Today is JOY day! I am THRILLED to participate in Joy Day 2020. The idea behind JOY day is that we should spread joy everywhere we go! I definitely believe this. I am the kind of person that will make eye contact with you in the hall as we pass each other, and give you a smile. I am the kind of person that will tell you I love your shirt, or how wonderful you are to work with. I am the kind of a person that will listen attentively while you share a story with me, and appreciate that you are allowing me into your life.

I hope that you all will spread the JOY with me today!

I hope you have an amazing weekend, and that you are blessed through spreading joy to others!

Kara

Get to know me! 

(Excerpts from an Interview with Life Coach Magazine)

I grew up with parents who are therapists. Just take that in for a moment… As you might imagine, my worldview was shaped by strong communication skills, the ability to recognize and express emotions and feel free to talk about feelings and be vulnerable. It wasn’t until I was well into adulthood that I realized that my life was not the norm. 

 

When I was young, I always wanted to be a teacher. In college, I flip-flopped between psychology and education, trying to find where the two met, but never really figuring that out. When I first learned about coaching many years later, it was like an epiphany for me! This, THIS, is where those two worlds met! And I got to include my love of listening, validating, and encouraging others. I was so excited! I felt FREE! It took a long time from that first epiphany until I shifted all my focus into coaching, but I learned so much along the way. 

 

I have started my coaching business two different times. After the first time didn’t “take,” it was clear to me that it was not the right time for it… my time and attention were needed elsewhere (more on that later). When I started my business again the second time, it was clear that the time was right. I sent letters to friends and acquaintances, letting them know about it and asking them to share with people they know. That is how I got my first client! She was a referral from a high school friend I had recently reconnected with thanks to that letter!

 

Q.) What are some of your favorite mantras, thoughts, and/or journal prompts? 

 

There is always, always, always something to be thankful for!

I went on a weekend getaway with my best friend to a small northern Minnesota town in late February. We ate breakfast at this quaint little cafe where they had all kinds of sayings and cute pictures on the walls. One of them that was right at our booth said, “There is always, always, always something to be thankful for”. I took a picture of my best friend sitting under that sign and have been using it as my mantra ever since! Every day I post something I am thankful for and share it with my Instagram and Facebook communities. Particularly in this new COVID world, I always want to be a source for positivity and encourage others to find joy in everything!

 

 

Q.) When you feel overwhelmed or unfocused or have lost your focus temporarily, what do you do? 

 

When I find myself getting overwhelmed or losing focus, I stop for a minute, take stock, and figure out if something is going on in my life that is making me feel out of control. I know myself well enough to know that I tend to get paralyzed when I feel out of control… It’s like I believe that if I just stop moving, life will stop going on around me too! Once I realize what is happening, I jump right into using the self-care techniques that I talk about with my clients. 

 

Sometimes, the basics will be enough to break free - like talking aloud to either myself or God - or journaling about what is happening. Journaling works best when I am not sure what the issue is because it tends to lead me to the source. Once I have figured out the cause of the feeling, I can address it. Sometimes it just requires paying attention to some detail, but other times (more often than I would like!), there is something in the past or an old feeling that needs to be processed and dealt with so I can continue to move forward. If that is the case, I usually end up talking to someone - a friend or family member - and engaging in pampering.

 

Q.) How has a failure, or apparent failure, set you up for later success?

 

I first started my coaching business back in 2009. I was eager and enthusiastic… but not well prepared. I bought a bunch of books, took a coaching class, built a website, etc. But I had no idea how to run a business or market myself. Of course, I was woefully ignorant of that fact! I worked hard for about a year and a half until the money I had set aside was used up. Then I needed to get a “real” job again. 

 

I went back to work in IT, where all of my professional experience had been. The week my benefits kicked in, my daughter had her first of many hospitalizations due to mental health issues. I spent the next seven years navigating an unknown world, trying my best to help her and losing myself in the process. I lacked support and did not know how to find the resources to get help - much less even think about taking care of myself during that time! 

 

Now my daughter is living on her own, and my husband and I are empty nested. I have found a group of like-minded women who meet once a week on Mondays, for the support I lacked in my life for so long. It is FINALLY time, once again, to focus on me and my dreams! What I learned in the ten years since I first started my coaching business is invaluable! I have a clear understanding of who I want to coach, and why, and I know myself better than I ever have! There is nothing, NOTHING, that can replace life experience in this world! 

 

Q.) In the last five years, what new belief, behavior, or habit has most improved your life?

 

I matter! 

It sounds silly, I know, but my journey to where I am now left me empty and forgetting the fact that I need, and deserve, to count my feelings and needs when making decisions and managing my life. It is this new knowledge… belief… that led me to restart my business. Now, I am a living success story for the value of my coaching! I practice what I preach every day!

 

Q.) If you could have a huge billboard anywhere with anything on it — metaphorically speaking, getting a message out to millions or billions — what would it say? 

 

You have a choice! You might not get to choose your circumstances, but you can always choose how you react, respond, and your attitude. Choose wisely!

If you are interested, here is the link to the entire article (https://www.lifecoachmagazine.com/kara-phillips-featured-coach/)

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is me

That girl in the salmon colored dress? That's me. I feel like so much about me can be summed up in this picture. I am dancing and laughing -hard- with my sister! We are across the country celebrating our brother's oldest son's wedding.

In this picture I am spending time with my family...laughing... having fun... celebrating... (no alcohol involved!) You would never look at this woman and think, "Man, she's been given a heavy load to bear." But I have.

My family has had many difficult challenges from navigating mental illness... to losing our house... to cancer... just to give you a highlight.

But those things are not how I define myself. I would tell you, and those that know me best would agree, that I am a happy person...filled with joy...who always finds the good in every circumstance (even those mentioned above!). 💕

My circumstances don't define me, and yours don't define you either. You CAN be happy and filled with joy NO MATTER WHAT YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES. I am living proof!💞

I am PASSIONATE about helping you find this in yourself too! It is why I am on this Earth. It brings me joy 😘

Blessings,

Kara

Focus on the good

The last couple of weeks have been different than ever before. For all of us. It is not usually something we can say: all of us are going through the same challenging circumstance, Of course, each of us is having our own experience, but we are all living through this pandemic.

It is easy to focus on the fear. To watch and read all the news we can and worry about things we cannot control. But where does that get us??

Instead, I challenge you to focus on the good... the hope. What is the good you ask? Where is the hope? Just stop and look around you!

•  Communities are coming together
•  Strangers are helping strangers
•  People are checking in with friends or family they haven't talked to for a long time
•  Businesses are giving their products away, and finding new ways to use their resources to help those in need
•  You have time on your hands.... time to reflect and connect on a deeper level
•  You have time to have real conversations
•  You have an opportunity to spend quality time with your kids
•  Spring is springing! Spring brings new hope and new life with it

I challenge you to add to this list! What good and hopeful things are YOU seeing around you? Write your answers in the comments! For me, I have challenged myself to post something that I am thankful for EVERY day. It is a way to remember those things we are grateful for and change our focus. You can find it on Instagram and Facebook. Please join me!

Blessings,

Kara

Just checking in with you.... how are you feeling? Not just physically (although I hope all of you are well and free of COVID-19!), but emotionally? Mentally?

We are in unprecedented times. Not one of us have lived though anything quite like this before. In a world where there is so much unknown we need to find a place where we can stop, take stock, and breathe.

Here's the thing.... a lot of you are confined to your home, all of a sudden having to stay home from work, needing to help your kids with schooling options, and keep yourself from going stir crazy at the same time!

It is times like these that we have been practicing self care! It is also times like these that we will need to rely on some more.... unconventional or creative self care techniques. Your usual "go-to" options are likely either not available or not a good idea... So what on Earth can you do instead??

I want us to collaborate and start a list together! What can you do, or are you doing, to remain calm and relaxed and take care of yourself right now? Let's be creative, and share our ideas!

But before we get started, I just want to say one more thing. This is a time where we need to model things for our children.  We need to model listening and following directions, being thoughtful but not reactive, and caring for ourselves and our loved one in positive ways. Show them how it's done! Encourage them to join in! Create a safe space for them to share their thoughts and feelings without judgement and reassure them as much as you can.

Ok, here goes! I am going to start us off with a couple of suggestions. Please add to the list! I am excited to see what we come up with together!

1.) Turn up the radio! Play fun uplifting music. Sing along. Get up and dance! This could be PE for the kids!!

2.) If you are feeling stressed and anxious, practice mindful breathing. Stop what you are doing and close your eyes. Take a deep breath in, hold it, slowly exhale and pause. You can do this counting to certain numbers for each step, or just what feels good to you. The idea is to slow your breathing and pay attention to your body as you inhale and exhale. As you inhale think about breathing good things in, and as you exhale think about letting the bad things out.

3.) Read a book aloud with each other. Maybe it is something "school appropriate", or maybe it is a favorite childhood book. It doesn't matter! Decide together if one person will read or if you will take turns reading.

Blessings,
Kara

An Example of Self-Care in Progress

I woke up this morning and realized that I have been obsessing about my weight, specifically about what the scale says. Now don't get me wrong, my weight is definitely something I should be concerned about, but I realized that I was actually obsessing and it bothered me. I don't want to fall down that rabbit hole. I know that it is a slippery slope.

I tell you this because I want to share how useful self-care techniques can be.

I talked to God about it a little bit, and then decided to journal. I wanted to see if I could figure out how to put it in perspective. I started out just writing the things that I knew. How I was feeling and what I was doing. But as I wrote, I started to realize some new things. I realized that my obsession with what the scale is telling me is really just a manifestation of what is really bothering me.

Interestingly, obsessing about my weight and the scale felt less scary then what is really on my mind. It felt like something I could have some control over. It felt less vulnerable.

Now that I know what is really worrying me, I can do something to address the real issue. If I just carried on believing it was my weight and focusing on that, I would never solve the real problem and it would never get better.

What is the real issue underneath your feelings?

Blessings,
Kara

Our job as parents

Being a parent is a big job. Our kids need us to take care of their ever changing needs. It is so easy to get caught up in the day to day business of parenting. We feed them, set boundaries, chauffeur them to all of their activities, we make sure they do their homework and get them to bed.

They need us to do these things. But in the busyness of our lives I think we sometimes forget that there is so much more to being a parent.

We also need to teach them about being kind to others. We need to teach them that they are never alone. That they are loved unconditionally. We need to give them words for their feelings, and ways to deal with them. We need to be a sounding board for them, so they can tell us all the things that are going on in their lives and help them make sense of it.

We need to meet them where they are and help them along the path to adulthood. Sometimes they need us to hold their hands and walk with them, but other times they need us to give them some guidance and let them go.

When we are parenting kids with mental health issues, these things are even more important. They are experiencing so much, and in extreme measures. The more they understand emotions, the more coping skills they have, and the more they know they are not alone, the better able they will be to manage their lives. If we can teach them this, as well as model it for them, we are on the right track!

Blessings,
Kara

Back to school

Now that the kids are back to school, take a little time for yourself. Let the dishes sit in the sink. Let the laundry wait. Vacuuming can happen later.

Take some time while you have it to refuel yourself. Maybe sit down with a good book, or soak in the tub. Indulge in some grown up TV, or rent a movie. Maybe even go out alone, knowing that your kids are ok for a few hours. Allocate a little time today to fill yourself up!

Blessings,
Kara

It's OK to cry

It is OK to cry. It is OK to get mad. It is OK to be frustrated and angry and to feel like it is all so unfair. Have your feelings!

The thing about feelings is that if you don't allow yourself to feel the bad ones, you won't be able to feel the good ones either. It is all or nothing.

If you allow yourself some time to be mad and hurt and cry you will feel better. Crying is actually a physiological release. And then you will be better able appreciate and feel the good things. Because those good things ARE there too. Sometimes we just miss them in the middle of all the hard things.

In 1972 Marlo Thomas created a project including an album and a book called Free to Be.... You and Me. It was turned into a television special in 1974. I have very fond, warm memories of this from when I was a kid. If you have time, I recommend looking it up on YouTube to see if you can watch and/or hear the whole thing.

But, here is a link to one of the songs called It's Alright to Cry. I think of this often when I remind myself of someone else that it's OK to cry.

Blessings,
Kara

Have you ever heard of a compliment jar?

A compliment jar is a great way to take care of yourself - now and in the future! The way it works is that whenever something good happens to you, write it down on a piece of paper. Then put that piece of paper into a jar (or box, or bag.... whatever works for you!).

Do this every day. Do it for small things and do it for big things. It could be something like "I helped someone at work today" or "I got out of bed" or "We got through breakfast with no fighting today".

When you make a point to write the compliment down, you will remember it. And, when you are having a harder day, you can look through all of the notes in your compliment jar and remember that everything isn't always bad. Sometimes we need that reminder.

Start your jar today!

Blessings,
Kara

Happy Birthday to me!

Today is my birthday! I am 50 years old today. I have been looking forward to this birthday all year.... I know that mind sound strange to some, to be looking forward to turning 50, but for me, this birthday signifies the end of my "old" life, and the beginning of my "new" life.

For the past 30 years I have been living the life that I wanted. I married the love of my life, I raised 3 children, and I did whatever I needed to do to making things work. There were ups and downs, and challenges and triumphs. I wouldn't change a thing.

But now my children are all grown up and living their own lives. So now it is my time to focus on me again! And I have new dreams. Everything that happened in the past 30 years has worked together to orchestrate and prepare me for this next adventure.

Here I come! I can hardly wait!

Kara

It has been a long time since I posted anything here. My life got a little bumpy after I posted my last blog. I needed to take some time to process and figure things out. And I did. I did a lot of self care and allowed myself to process this new information. I journaled, I talked out loud, I cried, I slept, and I read some of my favorite books. Then wouldn't you know it, something else happened!

The next thing that happened was big and scary. I leaned into my family. We talked about the details, learned everything we could, talked about our fears and we cried some more. And we spent time together, just being together and supporting each other, laughing and enjoying each other, because that is what we do.

Now that the big scary thing has calmed down some, I have a new perspective and a new resolve. It feels good.

I want to make a couple of points. First, there is a reason I call this "practicing" self care. It's not like you can do it until you get it right and then you are done. You have to practice. And you have to do it regularly. Different self care techniques work better in different situations. Try several and use what works for you.

Second, just because you practice self care doesn't mean you are going to immediately feel better. It is not a magic potion. It is a process. You need to keep doing it, keep taking care of yourself, over and over. You're worth it!

Blessings,
Kara

Who are you and what do you want?

When someone asks you to introduce yourself, what do you say?

I identify myself as a wife and a mother. It is always the first thing I think of when asked about myself. When I was working in IT, I found I needed to deliberately plan a different response when interviewing for new positions. Interviewers would often start by asking me to tell them about myself. They wanted to know what my technical skills and background were. But it never came naturally for me to talk about that.

Who am I? What do I want?

I am a wife and a mother. I want to help people to a more peaceful and joyful life.  I want to help people figure out what makes them happy....what warms their hearts....what fills them up. I want to help people find joy in their everyday life.

For you it might be making sure that people have things in place to protect them in case of an emergency, helping people save enough to retire, cooking delicious food, or helping businesses create an online presence.

Do you know what it is that brings you joy? Does what you do for a living fill you up? Even if your day job is not your passion, you can find ways in your daily life to pursue it. You can offer your talents in a volunteer capacity. You can help your friends and family. You can add the things that you are passionate about into your daily routine.

If you are one of many people who don't know what your passion is, I can help. Life coaching is a great way to discover who you are and what you want. Don't spend any more time letting life pass you by.

Blessings,
Kara

Survival Mode

Our need for self-care isn't always intuitive. We often don't think about our need when we are in the midst of a difficult situation. It requires reflection and intentionality. Oftentimes we are in survival mode and find it hard to think about anything other than the crisis in that moment.

When we are in survival mode we tend to fall back on our old habits. It is so much easier to coast and rely on past learned behavior because doing anything else requires energy and intention. When we are in crisis mode we tend to go into auto-pilot because we are physically and emotionally depleted.

That is precisely when we need to take a step back, take a breath, and remember that YOU matter too. 

Practicing self-care needs to become a regular activity. We need to practice it every day so that when we are in crisis, we don't have to think about it. We just do it. And when we take care of ourselves in the midst of a crisis, we will find that we have more resources to deal with the situation. We have clearer thoughts, more creative ideas, more stamina and endurance.

Taking care of ourselves actually benefits everyone around us! Seriously! It is not selfish! It honors our relationships with our family, with our children. It says they are important; that we care enough about them to fill ourselves up so we can be there for them.

Practice taking care of yourself everyday so that when you go to auto-pilot, that is what kicks in.

Blessings,
Kara

Balance

Stress comes in all kinds of shapes and sizes. It is not always the difficult things in life that create stress. For instance, my son and his wife and son came to visit from across the country last week. My grandson is only 3 months old. It was the most amazing thing to have them with us for a week!

When they come home we want to spend every possible minute together and end up staying up way too late LOL! Our time together also includes traveling to visit with extended family, and having our other children home as well. All of this means a (wonderful) change in routine.

Since I work from my home office I am accustomed to spending most of my day alone. As I am getting older I enjoy my alone time more and more. And I don't realize how important it is to me because it just is what it is.

But when that time gets interrupted my body is aware. My muscles tighten, I am exhausted (of course, staying up late contributes that that too!) and I find myself getting quieter and bringing my world in a little closer.

This is when it is important to practice some extra self care. I took a nap. I read a favorite book. I talked to my sister. All of these things have helped me to feel more like myself.

Self care is important in any situation. It is not just for when things are difficult or upsetting. It is for creating and maintaining balance. Try to incorporate it into your everyday life.

Blessings.
Kara

Don't let your past define you

Don't let your past define you

"No matter what has happened to you in the past or what is going on in your life right now, it has no power to keep you from having an amazingly good future..."   Joyce Meyer

We all have a story. We are continually writing it. The things that have happened in your past shape the person you have become, but they don't DEFINE you. 

I had cancer 5 years ago. After 3 years and 3 biopsies, I had chemo and radiation. For 4 months that was what I did. But it is not who I am. It is, however, part of what has shaped me into the woman I am today. 

When my husband and I were first married, we were poor. I mean, really poor. But it was not my identity then and it is not my identity now. It is, however, part of what has shaped me into the woman I am today.

I am able to look back at my experiences and learn from them...see the good things that came out of them. I am able to "clear the clutter" and make room for good things to come into my life. 

Allow your past and current experiences to shape you, but don't let them define you. You are still writing your story; the ending is yet unwritten.

Blessings,
Kara

Blessings

It's the simple things in life that make all the difference.

Family. Friends. Blue sky, sunshine, a gentle breeze.

It is easy to get caught up in having things... wanting to have a nice house, and a fancy car, designer clothes... the perfect life. But those things don't matter in the scheme of life.

Waking up each morning to a new day... spending time with your loved ones... appreciating all of creation. THIS is life.

Today, look around you. Count your blessings, especially the small ones. You woke up this morning. You had a bed to sleep in. You have some place to live. The grass is green, and the flowers are blooming.

What blessings are you counting today?

Kara

Practice

The other day I posted about taking some time for myself, calling it "Kara time". I was reflecting on that later in the day and realized I started referring to taking time for oneself that way when my daughter was young. She used to love to be involved in everything. Wanted to be in all the sports, and dance, and girl scouts and theater.... you get the idea. But with her mental health the way it was, there was no way that she could participate in all of those activities. If she had too many things to do in a week, she would have a meltdown.

I came to realize that with all of the anxiety she lived with, and how hard she tried to "hold it in" when she was not at home, she simply needed down time. She needed us to PURPOSEFULLY not schedule things for her to do.

She didn't always understand why we had to say no, but now that she is an adult, she recognizes her need and schedules the time for herself. She had "on the job training" for practicing self-care when she was growing up. We were there to help her understand the need, and brainstorm different ways to accomplish it. She figured out what ways worked for different scenarios, and now she is well-equipped to manage her life.

Blessings,
Kara

I'm challenging you!

This morning I took a little time for myself. I call it "Kara time". I sat on the couch and streamed a couple of episodes of a show that I enjoy. And I allowed myself to sit there and watch, and not feel guilty about it. And you know what? After that, I felt more than ready to go back to my office and sit down and work.

But it is not always that easy to decide to take time for yourself is it? And especially hard to not feel guilty about it.

At first I thought that I should feel bad about not getting right to work. I am, after all, running a new business and it requires diligence. But then I realized that if I didn't take a little time for myself, I would just sit in my office and be unproductive.

I decided that a couple of hours for me would benefit me in the long run. It would help me to find my motivation and clear my head. It would allow me to realign my priorities so I could focus better. I took a little time to relax and get filled up, and I am glad I did.

Today, I challenge you to take a little time for yourself too! I would love to hear what you did and how it helped!

Blessings,

Kara

Take time for yourself

It is so important to take time for yourself to refuel and recharge. I think sometimes we get so wrapped up in the day to day challenges that we forget to take time for ourselves. But the more you take a little time to breathe and relax, the more you will have for your family. Self care is a necessity, not a privilege.

Blessings,

Kara