Get to know me! 

(Excerpts from an Interview with Life Coach Magazine)

I grew up with parents who are therapists. Just take that in for a moment… As you might imagine, my worldview was shaped by strong communication skills, the ability to recognize and express emotions and feel free to talk about feelings and be vulnerable. It wasn’t until I was well into adulthood that I realized that my life was not the norm. 

 

When I was young, I always wanted to be a teacher. In college, I flip-flopped between psychology and education, trying to find where the two met, but never really figuring that out. When I first learned about coaching many years later, it was like an epiphany for me! This, THIS, is where those two worlds met! And I got to include my love of listening, validating, and encouraging others. I was so excited! I felt FREE! It took a long time from that first epiphany until I shifted all my focus into coaching, but I learned so much along the way. 

 

I have started my coaching business two different times. After the first time didn’t “take,” it was clear to me that it was not the right time for it… my time and attention were needed elsewhere (more on that later). When I started my business again the second time, it was clear that the time was right. I sent letters to friends and acquaintances, letting them know about it and asking them to share with people they know. That is how I got my first client! She was a referral from a high school friend I had recently reconnected with thanks to that letter!

 

Q.) What are some of your favorite mantras, thoughts, and/or journal prompts? 

 

There is always, always, always something to be thankful for!

I went on a weekend getaway with my best friend to a small northern Minnesota town in late February. We ate breakfast at this quaint little cafe where they had all kinds of sayings and cute pictures on the walls. One of them that was right at our booth said, “There is always, always, always something to be thankful for”. I took a picture of my best friend sitting under that sign and have been using it as my mantra ever since! Every day I post something I am thankful for and share it with my Instagram and Facebook communities. Particularly in this new COVID world, I always want to be a source for positivity and encourage others to find joy in everything!

 

 

Q.) When you feel overwhelmed or unfocused or have lost your focus temporarily, what do you do? 

 

When I find myself getting overwhelmed or losing focus, I stop for a minute, take stock, and figure out if something is going on in my life that is making me feel out of control. I know myself well enough to know that I tend to get paralyzed when I feel out of control… It’s like I believe that if I just stop moving, life will stop going on around me too! Once I realize what is happening, I jump right into using the self-care techniques that I talk about with my clients. 

 

Sometimes, the basics will be enough to break free - like talking aloud to either myself or God - or journaling about what is happening. Journaling works best when I am not sure what the issue is because it tends to lead me to the source. Once I have figured out the cause of the feeling, I can address it. Sometimes it just requires paying attention to some detail, but other times (more often than I would like!), there is something in the past or an old feeling that needs to be processed and dealt with so I can continue to move forward. If that is the case, I usually end up talking to someone - a friend or family member - and engaging in pampering.

 

Q.) How has a failure, or apparent failure, set you up for later success?

 

I first started my coaching business back in 2009. I was eager and enthusiastic… but not well prepared. I bought a bunch of books, took a coaching class, built a website, etc. But I had no idea how to run a business or market myself. Of course, I was woefully ignorant of that fact! I worked hard for about a year and a half until the money I had set aside was used up. Then I needed to get a “real” job again. 

 

I went back to work in IT, where all of my professional experience had been. The week my benefits kicked in, my daughter had her first of many hospitalizations due to mental health issues. I spent the next seven years navigating an unknown world, trying my best to help her and losing myself in the process. I lacked support and did not know how to find the resources to get help - much less even think about taking care of myself during that time! 

 

Now my daughter is living on her own, and my husband and I are empty nested. I have found a group of like-minded women who meet once a week on Mondays, for the support I lacked in my life for so long. It is FINALLY time, once again, to focus on me and my dreams! What I learned in the ten years since I first started my coaching business is invaluable! I have a clear understanding of who I want to coach, and why, and I know myself better than I ever have! There is nothing, NOTHING, that can replace life experience in this world! 

 

Q.) In the last five years, what new belief, behavior, or habit has most improved your life?

 

I matter! 

It sounds silly, I know, but my journey to where I am now left me empty and forgetting the fact that I need, and deserve, to count my feelings and needs when making decisions and managing my life. It is this new knowledge… belief… that led me to restart my business. Now, I am a living success story for the value of my coaching! I practice what I preach every day!

 

Q.) If you could have a huge billboard anywhere with anything on it — metaphorically speaking, getting a message out to millions or billions — what would it say? 

 

You have a choice! You might not get to choose your circumstances, but you can always choose how you react, respond, and your attitude. Choose wisely!

If you are interested, here is the link to the entire article (https://www.lifecoachmagazine.com/kara-phillips-featured-coach/)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just checking in with you.... how are you feeling? Not just physically (although I hope all of you are well and free of COVID-19!), but emotionally? Mentally?

We are in unprecedented times. Not one of us have lived though anything quite like this before. In a world where there is so much unknown we need to find a place where we can stop, take stock, and breathe.

Here's the thing.... a lot of you are confined to your home, all of a sudden having to stay home from work, needing to help your kids with schooling options, and keep yourself from going stir crazy at the same time!

It is times like these that we have been practicing self care! It is also times like these that we will need to rely on some more.... unconventional or creative self care techniques. Your usual "go-to" options are likely either not available or not a good idea... So what on Earth can you do instead??

I want us to collaborate and start a list together! What can you do, or are you doing, to remain calm and relaxed and take care of yourself right now? Let's be creative, and share our ideas!

But before we get started, I just want to say one more thing. This is a time where we need to model things for our children.  We need to model listening and following directions, being thoughtful but not reactive, and caring for ourselves and our loved one in positive ways. Show them how it's done! Encourage them to join in! Create a safe space for them to share their thoughts and feelings without judgement and reassure them as much as you can.

Ok, here goes! I am going to start us off with a couple of suggestions. Please add to the list! I am excited to see what we come up with together!

1.) Turn up the radio! Play fun uplifting music. Sing along. Get up and dance! This could be PE for the kids!!

2.) If you are feeling stressed and anxious, practice mindful breathing. Stop what you are doing and close your eyes. Take a deep breath in, hold it, slowly exhale and pause. You can do this counting to certain numbers for each step, or just what feels good to you. The idea is to slow your breathing and pay attention to your body as you inhale and exhale. As you inhale think about breathing good things in, and as you exhale think about letting the bad things out.

3.) Read a book aloud with each other. Maybe it is something "school appropriate", or maybe it is a favorite childhood book. It doesn't matter! Decide together if one person will read or if you will take turns reading.

Blessings,
Kara

It has been a long time since I posted anything here. My life got a little bumpy after I posted my last blog. I needed to take some time to process and figure things out. And I did. I did a lot of self care and allowed myself to process this new information. I journaled, I talked out loud, I cried, I slept, and I read some of my favorite books. Then wouldn't you know it, something else happened!

The next thing that happened was big and scary. I leaned into my family. We talked about the details, learned everything we could, talked about our fears and we cried some more. And we spent time together, just being together and supporting each other, laughing and enjoying each other, because that is what we do.

Now that the big scary thing has calmed down some, I have a new perspective and a new resolve. It feels good.

I want to make a couple of points. First, there is a reason I call this "practicing" self care. It's not like you can do it until you get it right and then you are done. You have to practice. And you have to do it regularly. Different self care techniques work better in different situations. Try several and use what works for you.

Second, just because you practice self care doesn't mean you are going to immediately feel better. It is not a magic potion. It is a process. You need to keep doing it, keep taking care of yourself, over and over. You're worth it!

Blessings,
Kara

Balance

Stress comes in all kinds of shapes and sizes. It is not always the difficult things in life that create stress. For instance, my son and his wife and son came to visit from across the country last week. My grandson is only 3 months old. It was the most amazing thing to have them with us for a week!

When they come home we want to spend every possible minute together and end up staying up way too late LOL! Our time together also includes traveling to visit with extended family, and having our other children home as well. All of this means a (wonderful) change in routine.

Since I work from my home office I am accustomed to spending most of my day alone. As I am getting older I enjoy my alone time more and more. And I don't realize how important it is to me because it just is what it is.

But when that time gets interrupted my body is aware. My muscles tighten, I am exhausted (of course, staying up late contributes that that too!) and I find myself getting quieter and bringing my world in a little closer.

This is when it is important to practice some extra self care. I took a nap. I read a favorite book. I talked to my sister. All of these things have helped me to feel more like myself.

Self care is important in any situation. It is not just for when things are difficult or upsetting. It is for creating and maintaining balance. Try to incorporate it into your everyday life.

Blessings.
Kara

Quick ways to take care of yourself

Taking care of ourselves is so important. I mean, it is important for everyone, but if those of us who are parenting children with mental illnesses don't take the time and effort to take care of ourselves, we will shrivel up and become useless.

At least that is what it feels like.

There are so many things that you can do for yourself to help fill yourself up. Some cost money and some don't. Some require TIME, and others only take a moment. I know from experience that sometimes there was just simply not TIME to take for myself. So, here are a couple of ideas for you that you can do when you don't have time.

1. Look at yourself in the mirror and say out loud that you are doing a good job - that you are doing the best that you can do in this moment in time. Say it even if you don't believe it. This only takes a moment and can be done when you are in the bathroom. Easy and effective.

2. Play music that you like. Maybe you can play it while you are in the car (turn it up loud and sing along!), or maybe you can just have it on in the background as you go about your day.

3. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths.... let them out slowly. In with the good, out with the bad...


Blessings,
Kara