Get to know me! 

(Excerpts from an Interview with Life Coach Magazine)

I grew up with parents who are therapists. Just take that in for a moment… As you might imagine, my worldview was shaped by strong communication skills, the ability to recognize and express emotions and feel free to talk about feelings and be vulnerable. It wasn’t until I was well into adulthood that I realized that my life was not the norm. 

 

When I was young, I always wanted to be a teacher. In college, I flip-flopped between psychology and education, trying to find where the two met, but never really figuring that out. When I first learned about coaching many years later, it was like an epiphany for me! This, THIS, is where those two worlds met! And I got to include my love of listening, validating, and encouraging others. I was so excited! I felt FREE! It took a long time from that first epiphany until I shifted all my focus into coaching, but I learned so much along the way. 

 

I have started my coaching business two different times. After the first time didn’t “take,” it was clear to me that it was not the right time for it… my time and attention were needed elsewhere (more on that later). When I started my business again the second time, it was clear that the time was right. I sent letters to friends and acquaintances, letting them know about it and asking them to share with people they know. That is how I got my first client! She was a referral from a high school friend I had recently reconnected with thanks to that letter!

 

Q.) What are some of your favorite mantras, thoughts, and/or journal prompts? 

 

There is always, always, always something to be thankful for!

I went on a weekend getaway with my best friend to a small northern Minnesota town in late February. We ate breakfast at this quaint little cafe where they had all kinds of sayings and cute pictures on the walls. One of them that was right at our booth said, “There is always, always, always something to be thankful for”. I took a picture of my best friend sitting under that sign and have been using it as my mantra ever since! Every day I post something I am thankful for and share it with my Instagram and Facebook communities. Particularly in this new COVID world, I always want to be a source for positivity and encourage others to find joy in everything!

 

 

Q.) When you feel overwhelmed or unfocused or have lost your focus temporarily, what do you do? 

 

When I find myself getting overwhelmed or losing focus, I stop for a minute, take stock, and figure out if something is going on in my life that is making me feel out of control. I know myself well enough to know that I tend to get paralyzed when I feel out of control… It’s like I believe that if I just stop moving, life will stop going on around me too! Once I realize what is happening, I jump right into using the self-care techniques that I talk about with my clients. 

 

Sometimes, the basics will be enough to break free - like talking aloud to either myself or God - or journaling about what is happening. Journaling works best when I am not sure what the issue is because it tends to lead me to the source. Once I have figured out the cause of the feeling, I can address it. Sometimes it just requires paying attention to some detail, but other times (more often than I would like!), there is something in the past or an old feeling that needs to be processed and dealt with so I can continue to move forward. If that is the case, I usually end up talking to someone - a friend or family member - and engaging in pampering.

 

Q.) How has a failure, or apparent failure, set you up for later success?

 

I first started my coaching business back in 2009. I was eager and enthusiastic… but not well prepared. I bought a bunch of books, took a coaching class, built a website, etc. But I had no idea how to run a business or market myself. Of course, I was woefully ignorant of that fact! I worked hard for about a year and a half until the money I had set aside was used up. Then I needed to get a “real” job again. 

 

I went back to work in IT, where all of my professional experience had been. The week my benefits kicked in, my daughter had her first of many hospitalizations due to mental health issues. I spent the next seven years navigating an unknown world, trying my best to help her and losing myself in the process. I lacked support and did not know how to find the resources to get help - much less even think about taking care of myself during that time! 

 

Now my daughter is living on her own, and my husband and I are empty nested. I have found a group of like-minded women who meet once a week on Mondays, for the support I lacked in my life for so long. It is FINALLY time, once again, to focus on me and my dreams! What I learned in the ten years since I first started my coaching business is invaluable! I have a clear understanding of who I want to coach, and why, and I know myself better than I ever have! There is nothing, NOTHING, that can replace life experience in this world! 

 

Q.) In the last five years, what new belief, behavior, or habit has most improved your life?

 

I matter! 

It sounds silly, I know, but my journey to where I am now left me empty and forgetting the fact that I need, and deserve, to count my feelings and needs when making decisions and managing my life. It is this new knowledge… belief… that led me to restart my business. Now, I am a living success story for the value of my coaching! I practice what I preach every day!

 

Q.) If you could have a huge billboard anywhere with anything on it — metaphorically speaking, getting a message out to millions or billions — what would it say? 

 

You have a choice! You might not get to choose your circumstances, but you can always choose how you react, respond, and your attitude. Choose wisely!

If you are interested, here is the link to the entire article (https://www.lifecoachmagazine.com/kara-phillips-featured-coach/)

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is me

That girl in the salmon colored dress? That's me. I feel like so much about me can be summed up in this picture. I am dancing and laughing -hard- with my sister! We are across the country celebrating our brother's oldest son's wedding.

In this picture I am spending time with my family...laughing... having fun... celebrating... (no alcohol involved!) You would never look at this woman and think, "Man, she's been given a heavy load to bear." But I have.

My family has had many difficult challenges from navigating mental illness... to losing our house... to cancer... just to give you a highlight.

But those things are not how I define myself. I would tell you, and those that know me best would agree, that I am a happy person...filled with joy...who always finds the good in every circumstance (even those mentioned above!). 💕

My circumstances don't define me, and yours don't define you either. You CAN be happy and filled with joy NO MATTER WHAT YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES. I am living proof!💞

I am PASSIONATE about helping you find this in yourself too! It is why I am on this Earth. It brings me joy 😘

Blessings,

Kara

Just checking in with you.... how are you feeling? Not just physically (although I hope all of you are well and free of COVID-19!), but emotionally? Mentally?

We are in unprecedented times. Not one of us have lived though anything quite like this before. In a world where there is so much unknown we need to find a place where we can stop, take stock, and breathe.

Here's the thing.... a lot of you are confined to your home, all of a sudden having to stay home from work, needing to help your kids with schooling options, and keep yourself from going stir crazy at the same time!

It is times like these that we have been practicing self care! It is also times like these that we will need to rely on some more.... unconventional or creative self care techniques. Your usual "go-to" options are likely either not available or not a good idea... So what on Earth can you do instead??

I want us to collaborate and start a list together! What can you do, or are you doing, to remain calm and relaxed and take care of yourself right now? Let's be creative, and share our ideas!

But before we get started, I just want to say one more thing. This is a time where we need to model things for our children.  We need to model listening and following directions, being thoughtful but not reactive, and caring for ourselves and our loved one in positive ways. Show them how it's done! Encourage them to join in! Create a safe space for them to share their thoughts and feelings without judgement and reassure them as much as you can.

Ok, here goes! I am going to start us off with a couple of suggestions. Please add to the list! I am excited to see what we come up with together!

1.) Turn up the radio! Play fun uplifting music. Sing along. Get up and dance! This could be PE for the kids!!

2.) If you are feeling stressed and anxious, practice mindful breathing. Stop what you are doing and close your eyes. Take a deep breath in, hold it, slowly exhale and pause. You can do this counting to certain numbers for each step, or just what feels good to you. The idea is to slow your breathing and pay attention to your body as you inhale and exhale. As you inhale think about breathing good things in, and as you exhale think about letting the bad things out.

3.) Read a book aloud with each other. Maybe it is something "school appropriate", or maybe it is a favorite childhood book. It doesn't matter! Decide together if one person will read or if you will take turns reading.

Blessings,
Kara

Stop and smell the roses

Nature is a great self-care tool. There is something about being out in nature that allows us to slow down for a moment and breathe. Now that spring has finally sprung, take 5 minutes (or more if you have it!) and go outside.

Feel the grass on your feet, look at the trees, look up at the sky and feel the breeze. Close your eyes and listen the birds. Smell the flowers or the fresh cut grass. Feel the sun on your skin.

I have found that spending even just a few minutes appreciating nature helps me feel more balanced. It helps me put things back into perspective and gives me a mental boost.

I often have songs pop into my head. Forgive me, but I am child of the 70's! Stop and Smell the Roses by Mac Davis is the song that is in my head today. Click on the link below and take a few minutes to listen!

https://binged.it/2Qp55l6

Blessings,
Kara

Respect

Part of taking care of yourself is to respect yourself. There are so many ways to honor and respect yourself. Here are some ideas to get you started!

R - read a good book, rest, find resources for yourself

E - exercise, encourage others, explore something new

S - sing, sleep, simplify your life, be silent and listen, support your needs

P - pray, pamper yourself, be present, have patience, pay attention, prioritize

E - name your emotions, eat healthy

C - cry, call a friend, communicate, make a commitment to yourself

T - trust your instincts, find your truth, treat yourself, talk to friend, take time for yourself

Clear your head

Do you find yourself lying awake at night as everything that happened throughout the day swirls around in your head? And then you get up the next morning and you already feel stressed? I used to not even notice how stressed I was, and how I was clenching my muscles all of the time trying to "hold myself together". There is a certain amount of that "muscle clenching" and "swirling" that just comes with the territory of raising kids - any kids, not to mention kids with special needs or mental illness.

But there are things that you can do to help clear your head. Sometimes just talking to a friend or another loved one helps to get all of the "stuff" out. It is great when that works out! Sometimes we don't have someone to share (read: vent) with, or sharing with others just makes everything feel MORE stressful. Let's face it, if our friends or loved ones are not living with the same sorts of issues that we are, they won't fully understand. And often, in their kind-hearted effort to understand and be supportive, they end up making us feel worse.

If this is the case for you, or even if it is not, try writing your thoughts and feelings down. Create a journal, either with a notebook, or fancy bound journal, or even just a file on your computer or phone. Make sure that you keep it private.

Write down EVERYTHING. Write down the events of the day, good and bad and neutral. Write down the thoughts or worries that are going through your mind. Write down your frustrations. Make a note of your successes! Doodle. Write poetry, or draw pictures. Write it in ALL CAPS or in small careful letters. Write down things you are afraid to say out loud. Write out how you wish things were. Let everything out. It is so cathartic!

Blessing,
Kara

Quick ways to take care of yourself

Taking care of ourselves is so important. I mean, it is important for everyone, but if those of us who are parenting children with mental illnesses don't take the time and effort to take care of ourselves, we will shrivel up and become useless.

At least that is what it feels like.

There are so many things that you can do for yourself to help fill yourself up. Some cost money and some don't. Some require TIME, and others only take a moment. I know from experience that sometimes there was just simply not TIME to take for myself. So, here are a couple of ideas for you that you can do when you don't have time.

1. Look at yourself in the mirror and say out loud that you are doing a good job - that you are doing the best that you can do in this moment in time. Say it even if you don't believe it. This only takes a moment and can be done when you are in the bathroom. Easy and effective.

2. Play music that you like. Maybe you can play it while you are in the car (turn it up loud and sing along!), or maybe you can just have it on in the background as you go about your day.

3. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths.... let them out slowly. In with the good, out with the bad...


Blessings,
Kara

How strong are you?

We are some of the strongest people that I know!

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger! (Are you hearing Kelly Clarkson's song in your head?) It's true! As parents of children with mental illness we go through so much with our kids. Sometimes I would tell God that I was pretty strong already and didn't need to get any stronger! Little did I know...

You know, this is true for our kids as well. They are going through some pretty terrible stuff. Some of it is normal kid stuff, and some of it is so far out there that it is hard to imagine how they must be feeling. Sometimes in my moments of sanity I would tell my daughter how strong she was and how proud I was of her for how she was handing things (even though from the outside it looked like a disaster). Even when things were tough, she was using all of the coping skills that she had learned and was trying, but it was really overwhelming. She was doing the best that she could.

I think that we as parents probably look like that too. We are using all of our coping skills to get through but it probably still looks like a disaster from the outside. Maybe even feels that way on the inside. This is why it is SO IMPORTANT that we take time for ourselves, to fill ourselves up and replenish our reserves. If you have blocks of time that you can set aside for yourself, that's great! More power to you! For a lot of us, it is near impossible to find a moment to do that. But even then, when you are in the bathroom, just look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you are doing the best that you can do. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Maybe wash your face or just freshen up a little bit. Every little thing makes a difference.

Blessings,
Kara

We are all human

We are all human. Even those of us with more challenging circumstances. Allow yourself to make mistakes, learn from them and move on.

More often than we'd like, we find ourselves losing our patience with our children. We snap, or yell, or punish when we know what they need is compassion and understanding. It's just not always that easy. And because we are just so exhausted it is easy to get down on ourselves. We tell ourselves that we are bad parents, or they would be better off if someone else was their mom or dad.

Be kind to yourself. Instead of all the negative self talk we are all prone to, treat yourself like you would treat your best friend. If your friend was explaining a situation to you like the one you just had, you would tell them it's ok.... they are not a bad parent... everyone loses it from time to time and to forgive themselves. So listen to your own advice. Be the friend that you need for yourself. And if you need to, apologize to your child. Letting your child know you are human will go a long way in your relationship with them.

Blessings,
Kara

Extrovert or introvert?

When you are feeling depleted, what do you do?

Some people are extroverts and when they find themselves empty and exhausted they go out with friends or go do something where there are a lot of people. All of the energy around them helps fill them back up.

Others are introverts. When they feel empty and exhausted they may take a bath or curl up with a good book. Being alone is how they get filled back up.

It is important to know what works for you. At the end of a long day are you ready to go out for drinks with friends, or curl up in your jammies at home?

Whatever works for you, make a note of it. Then brainstorm a little bit and come up with a list of things that could help you get filled up when you are empty.

Write this list out. Put it somewhere where you can see it. When you find yourself depleted you have a ready-made list of ideas to help you get back without having to spend the energy to try to figure out what you need.

Blessings,
Kara

Self-care is a win-win!

Hello everyone, and Happy Spring! May the 4th be with you! Ha!

When I started Living Rhythm and Joy 10 years ago I had a Christian focus. I wanted to help people discover their passion and purpose in life. I still love when I am able to do that. But during the past 10 years I found a subset of the population that could really use some coaching around self-care. I found it because I belonged to it... parents of children with mental illness. Its a hard road. And its exhausting. We want to help our children. All we want is for them to be happy and care-free. And every day is a new battle.

You know how when you are flying somewhere and before the airplane takes off they do the "safety dance" where they tell you how to buckle your seat belt, where the emergency exits are and about the oxygen masks etc.? They always tell you to be sure to put the oxygen mask on yourself before you help your child or anyone else. Have you ever wondered why? It is because you won't be able to help others if you don't help yourself first. You need to make sure that you are able to breathe in order to help others.

Parenting children with mental illness is like that. You NEED to take care of yourself and make sure that you can BREATHE if you are going to be able to help your child. While is seems easiest to put ourselves on the back burner because our children are in crisis, we won't be able to be there for them if we are completely depleted. This is why self-care is so important. Not only are you taking care of yourself, but you filling yourself up so you can be there for your child. Its a win-win.

Blessings to you,
Kara

Welcome to the re-launching of Living Rhythm and Joy!

I started Living Rhythm and Joy about 10 years ago. Shortly thereafter, let's just say.... LIFE happened, things got complicated and it was made clear to me that my time and energy were needed elsewhere. Sometime, in another post, I will tell the story about how it was confirmed to me that I needed to put LRJ on hold for awhile.

But right now I am super excited to be delving back into life coaching again full time! The past 10 years have been challenging, amazing and rewarding. One of the things that happened during this time was a shift and refocusing of my area of specialty. So...

Welcome to Living Rhythm and Joy, a place where I help parents of children with mental illness practice self-care and find peace and joy amidst the chaos. I am happy to have you here!

Kara