I woke up this morning and realized that I have been obsessing about my weight, specifically about what the scale says. Now don't get me wrong, my weight is definitely something I should be concerned about, but I realized that I was actually obsessing and it bothered me. I don't want to fall down that rabbit hole. I know that it is a slippery slope.
I tell you this because I want to share how useful self-care techniques can be.
I talked to God about it a little bit, and then decided to journal. I wanted to see if I could figure out how to put it in perspective. I started out just writing the things that I knew. How I was feeling and what I was doing. But as I wrote, I started to realize some new things. I realized that my obsession with what the scale is telling me is really just a manifestation of what is really bothering me.
Interestingly, obsessing about my weight and the scale felt less scary then what is really on my mind. It felt like something I could have some control over. It felt less vulnerable.
Now that I know what is really worrying me, I can do something to address the real issue. If I just carried on believing it was my weight and focusing on that, I would never solve the real problem and it would never get better.
What is the real issue underneath your feelings?
Blessings,
Kara
Wednesday, September 18, 2019
Monday, September 9, 2019
Our job as parents
Being a parent is a big job. Our kids need us to take care of their ever changing needs. It is so easy to get caught up in the day to day business of parenting. We feed them, set boundaries, chauffeur them to all of their activities, we make sure they do their homework and get them to bed.
They need us to do these things. But in the busyness of our lives I think we sometimes forget that there is so much more to being a parent.
We also need to teach them about being kind to others. We need to teach them that they are never alone. That they are loved unconditionally. We need to give them words for their feelings, and ways to deal with them. We need to be a sounding board for them, so they can tell us all the things that are going on in their lives and help them make sense of it.
We need to meet them where they are and help them along the path to adulthood. Sometimes they need us to hold their hands and walk with them, but other times they need us to give them some guidance and let them go.
When we are parenting kids with mental health issues, these things are even more important. They are experiencing so much, and in extreme measures. The more they understand emotions, the more coping skills they have, and the more they know they are not alone, the better able they will be to manage their lives. If we can teach them this, as well as model it for them, we are on the right track!
Blessings,
Kara
They need us to do these things. But in the busyness of our lives I think we sometimes forget that there is so much more to being a parent.
We also need to teach them about being kind to others. We need to teach them that they are never alone. That they are loved unconditionally. We need to give them words for their feelings, and ways to deal with them. We need to be a sounding board for them, so they can tell us all the things that are going on in their lives and help them make sense of it.
We need to meet them where they are and help them along the path to adulthood. Sometimes they need us to hold their hands and walk with them, but other times they need us to give them some guidance and let them go.
When we are parenting kids with mental health issues, these things are even more important. They are experiencing so much, and in extreme measures. The more they understand emotions, the more coping skills they have, and the more they know they are not alone, the better able they will be to manage their lives. If we can teach them this, as well as model it for them, we are on the right track!
Blessings,
Kara
Wednesday, September 4, 2019
Back to school
Now that the kids are back to school, take a little time for yourself. Let the dishes sit in the sink. Let the laundry wait. Vacuuming can happen later.
Take some time while you have it to refuel yourself. Maybe sit down with a good book, or soak in the tub. Indulge in some grown up TV, or rent a movie. Maybe even go out alone, knowing that your kids are ok for a few hours. Allocate a little time today to fill yourself up!
Blessings,
Kara
Take some time while you have it to refuel yourself. Maybe sit down with a good book, or soak in the tub. Indulge in some grown up TV, or rent a movie. Maybe even go out alone, knowing that your kids are ok for a few hours. Allocate a little time today to fill yourself up!
Kara
Tuesday, September 3, 2019
It's OK to cry
It is OK to cry. It is OK to get mad. It is OK to be frustrated and angry and to feel like it is all so unfair. Have your feelings!
The thing about feelings is that if you don't allow yourself to feel the bad ones, you won't be able to feel the good ones either. It is all or nothing.
If you allow yourself some time to be mad and hurt and cry you will feel better. Crying is actually a physiological release. And then you will be better able appreciate and feel the good things. Because those good things ARE there too. Sometimes we just miss them in the middle of all the hard things.
In 1972 Marlo Thomas created a project including an album and a book called Free to Be.... You and Me. It was turned into a television special in 1974. I have very fond, warm memories of this from when I was a kid. If you have time, I recommend looking it up on YouTube to see if you can watch and/or hear the whole thing.
But, here is a link to one of the songs called It's Alright to Cry. I think of this often when I remind myself of someone else that it's OK to cry.
Blessings,
Kara
The thing about feelings is that if you don't allow yourself to feel the bad ones, you won't be able to feel the good ones either. It is all or nothing.
If you allow yourself some time to be mad and hurt and cry you will feel better. Crying is actually a physiological release. And then you will be better able appreciate and feel the good things. Because those good things ARE there too. Sometimes we just miss them in the middle of all the hard things.
In 1972 Marlo Thomas created a project including an album and a book called Free to Be.... You and Me. It was turned into a television special in 1974. I have very fond, warm memories of this from when I was a kid. If you have time, I recommend looking it up on YouTube to see if you can watch and/or hear the whole thing.
But, here is a link to one of the songs called It's Alright to Cry. I think of this often when I remind myself of someone else that it's OK to cry.
Blessings,
Kara
Monday, September 2, 2019
Have you ever heard of a compliment jar?
A compliment jar is a great way to take care of yourself - now and in the future! The way it works is that whenever something good happens to you, write it down on a piece of paper. Then put that piece of paper into a jar (or box, or bag.... whatever works for you!).
Do this every day. Do it for small things and do it for big things. It could be something like "I helped someone at work today" or "I got out of bed" or "We got through breakfast with no fighting today".
When you make a point to write the compliment down, you will remember it. And, when you are having a harder day, you can look through all of the notes in your compliment jar and remember that everything isn't always bad. Sometimes we need that reminder.
Start your jar today!
Blessings,
Kara
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