I woke up this morning and realized that I have been obsessing about my weight, specifically about what the scale says. Now don't get me wrong, my weight is definitely something I should be concerned about, but I realized that I was actually obsessing and it bothered me. I don't want to fall down that rabbit hole. I know that it is a slippery slope.
I tell you this because I want to share how useful self-care techniques can be.
I talked to God about it a little bit, and then decided to journal. I wanted to see if I could figure out how to put it in perspective. I started out just writing the things that I knew. How I was feeling and what I was doing. But as I wrote, I started to realize some new things. I realized that my obsession with what the scale is telling me is really just a manifestation of what is really bothering me.
Interestingly, obsessing about my weight and the scale felt less scary then what is really on my mind. It felt like something I could have some control over. It felt less vulnerable.
Now that I know what is really worrying me, I can do something to address the real issue. If I just carried on believing it was my weight and focusing on that, I would never solve the real problem and it would never get better.
What is the real issue underneath your feelings?
Blessings,
Kara
Wednesday, September 18, 2019
Monday, September 9, 2019
Our job as parents
Being a parent is a big job. Our kids need us to take care of their ever changing needs. It is so easy to get caught up in the day to day business of parenting. We feed them, set boundaries, chauffeur them to all of their activities, we make sure they do their homework and get them to bed.
They need us to do these things. But in the busyness of our lives I think we sometimes forget that there is so much more to being a parent.
We also need to teach them about being kind to others. We need to teach them that they are never alone. That they are loved unconditionally. We need to give them words for their feelings, and ways to deal with them. We need to be a sounding board for them, so they can tell us all the things that are going on in their lives and help them make sense of it.
We need to meet them where they are and help them along the path to adulthood. Sometimes they need us to hold their hands and walk with them, but other times they need us to give them some guidance and let them go.
When we are parenting kids with mental health issues, these things are even more important. They are experiencing so much, and in extreme measures. The more they understand emotions, the more coping skills they have, and the more they know they are not alone, the better able they will be to manage their lives. If we can teach them this, as well as model it for them, we are on the right track!
Blessings,
Kara
They need us to do these things. But in the busyness of our lives I think we sometimes forget that there is so much more to being a parent.
We also need to teach them about being kind to others. We need to teach them that they are never alone. That they are loved unconditionally. We need to give them words for their feelings, and ways to deal with them. We need to be a sounding board for them, so they can tell us all the things that are going on in their lives and help them make sense of it.
We need to meet them where they are and help them along the path to adulthood. Sometimes they need us to hold their hands and walk with them, but other times they need us to give them some guidance and let them go.
When we are parenting kids with mental health issues, these things are even more important. They are experiencing so much, and in extreme measures. The more they understand emotions, the more coping skills they have, and the more they know they are not alone, the better able they will be to manage their lives. If we can teach them this, as well as model it for them, we are on the right track!
Blessings,
Kara
Wednesday, September 4, 2019
Back to school
Now that the kids are back to school, take a little time for yourself. Let the dishes sit in the sink. Let the laundry wait. Vacuuming can happen later.
Take some time while you have it to refuel yourself. Maybe sit down with a good book, or soak in the tub. Indulge in some grown up TV, or rent a movie. Maybe even go out alone, knowing that your kids are ok for a few hours. Allocate a little time today to fill yourself up!
Blessings,
Kara
Take some time while you have it to refuel yourself. Maybe sit down with a good book, or soak in the tub. Indulge in some grown up TV, or rent a movie. Maybe even go out alone, knowing that your kids are ok for a few hours. Allocate a little time today to fill yourself up!
Kara
Tuesday, September 3, 2019
It's OK to cry
It is OK to cry. It is OK to get mad. It is OK to be frustrated and angry and to feel like it is all so unfair. Have your feelings!
The thing about feelings is that if you don't allow yourself to feel the bad ones, you won't be able to feel the good ones either. It is all or nothing.
If you allow yourself some time to be mad and hurt and cry you will feel better. Crying is actually a physiological release. And then you will be better able appreciate and feel the good things. Because those good things ARE there too. Sometimes we just miss them in the middle of all the hard things.
In 1972 Marlo Thomas created a project including an album and a book called Free to Be.... You and Me. It was turned into a television special in 1974. I have very fond, warm memories of this from when I was a kid. If you have time, I recommend looking it up on YouTube to see if you can watch and/or hear the whole thing.
But, here is a link to one of the songs called It's Alright to Cry. I think of this often when I remind myself of someone else that it's OK to cry.
Blessings,
Kara
The thing about feelings is that if you don't allow yourself to feel the bad ones, you won't be able to feel the good ones either. It is all or nothing.
If you allow yourself some time to be mad and hurt and cry you will feel better. Crying is actually a physiological release. And then you will be better able appreciate and feel the good things. Because those good things ARE there too. Sometimes we just miss them in the middle of all the hard things.
In 1972 Marlo Thomas created a project including an album and a book called Free to Be.... You and Me. It was turned into a television special in 1974. I have very fond, warm memories of this from when I was a kid. If you have time, I recommend looking it up on YouTube to see if you can watch and/or hear the whole thing.
But, here is a link to one of the songs called It's Alright to Cry. I think of this often when I remind myself of someone else that it's OK to cry.
Blessings,
Kara
Monday, September 2, 2019
Have you ever heard of a compliment jar?
A compliment jar is a great way to take care of yourself - now and in the future! The way it works is that whenever something good happens to you, write it down on a piece of paper. Then put that piece of paper into a jar (or box, or bag.... whatever works for you!).
Do this every day. Do it for small things and do it for big things. It could be something like "I helped someone at work today" or "I got out of bed" or "We got through breakfast with no fighting today".
When you make a point to write the compliment down, you will remember it. And, when you are having a harder day, you can look through all of the notes in your compliment jar and remember that everything isn't always bad. Sometimes we need that reminder.
Start your jar today!
Blessings,
Kara
Monday, August 12, 2019
Happy Birthday to me!
For the past 30 years I have been living the life that I wanted. I married the love of my life, I raised 3 children, and I did whatever I needed to do to making things work. There were ups and downs, and challenges and triumphs. I wouldn't change a thing.
But now my children are all grown up and living their own lives. So now it is my time to focus on me again! And I have new dreams. Everything that happened in the past 30 years has worked together to orchestrate and prepare me for this next adventure.
Here I come! I can hardly wait!
Kara
Tuesday, August 6, 2019
It has been a long time since I posted anything here. My life got a little bumpy after I posted my last blog. I needed to take some time to process and figure things out. And I did. I did a lot of self care and allowed myself to process this new information. I journaled, I talked out loud, I cried, I slept, and I read some of my favorite books. Then wouldn't you know it, something else happened!
The next thing that happened was big and scary. I leaned into my family. We talked about the details, learned everything we could, talked about our fears and we cried some more. And we spent time together, just being together and supporting each other, laughing and enjoying each other, because that is what we do.
Now that the big scary thing has calmed down some, I have a new perspective and a new resolve. It feels good.
I want to make a couple of points. First, there is a reason I call this "practicing" self care. It's not like you can do it until you get it right and then you are done. You have to practice. And you have to do it regularly. Different self care techniques work better in different situations. Try several and use what works for you.
Second, just because you practice self care doesn't mean you are going to immediately feel better. It is not a magic potion. It is a process. You need to keep doing it, keep taking care of yourself, over and over. You're worth it!
Blessings,
Kara
The next thing that happened was big and scary. I leaned into my family. We talked about the details, learned everything we could, talked about our fears and we cried some more. And we spent time together, just being together and supporting each other, laughing and enjoying each other, because that is what we do.
Now that the big scary thing has calmed down some, I have a new perspective and a new resolve. It feels good.
I want to make a couple of points. First, there is a reason I call this "practicing" self care. It's not like you can do it until you get it right and then you are done. You have to practice. And you have to do it regularly. Different self care techniques work better in different situations. Try several and use what works for you.
Second, just because you practice self care doesn't mean you are going to immediately feel better. It is not a magic potion. It is a process. You need to keep doing it, keep taking care of yourself, over and over. You're worth it!
Blessings,
Kara
Wednesday, July 17, 2019
Who are you and what do you want?
When someone asks you to introduce yourself, what do you say?
I identify myself as a wife and a mother. It is always the first thing I think of when asked about myself. When I was working in IT, I found I needed to deliberately plan a different response when interviewing for new positions. Interviewers would often start by asking me to tell them about myself. They wanted to know what my technical skills and background were. But it never came naturally for me to talk about that.
Who am I? What do I want?
I am a wife and a mother. I want to help people to a more peaceful and joyful life. I want to help people figure out what makes them happy....what warms their hearts....what fills them up. I want to help people find joy in their everyday life.
For you it might be making sure that people have things in place to protect them in case of an emergency, helping people save enough to retire, cooking delicious food, or helping businesses create an online presence.
Do you know what it is that brings you joy? Does what you do for a living fill you up? Even if your day job is not your passion, you can find ways in your daily life to pursue it. You can offer your talents in a volunteer capacity. You can help your friends and family. You can add the things that you are passionate about into your daily routine.
If you are one of many people who don't know what your passion is, I can help. Life coaching is a great way to discover who you are and what you want. Don't spend any more time letting life pass you by.
Blessings,
Kara
I identify myself as a wife and a mother. It is always the first thing I think of when asked about myself. When I was working in IT, I found I needed to deliberately plan a different response when interviewing for new positions. Interviewers would often start by asking me to tell them about myself. They wanted to know what my technical skills and background were. But it never came naturally for me to talk about that.
Who am I? What do I want?
I am a wife and a mother. I want to help people to a more peaceful and joyful life. I want to help people figure out what makes them happy....what warms their hearts....what fills them up. I want to help people find joy in their everyday life.
For you it might be making sure that people have things in place to protect them in case of an emergency, helping people save enough to retire, cooking delicious food, or helping businesses create an online presence.
Do you know what it is that brings you joy? Does what you do for a living fill you up? Even if your day job is not your passion, you can find ways in your daily life to pursue it. You can offer your talents in a volunteer capacity. You can help your friends and family. You can add the things that you are passionate about into your daily routine.
If you are one of many people who don't know what your passion is, I can help. Life coaching is a great way to discover who you are and what you want. Don't spend any more time letting life pass you by.
Blessings,
Kara
Wednesday, July 10, 2019
When my son was very small, he used to love to draw and tell stories on paper. Every Christmas his Auntie would give him a ream of paper and pencils or crayons or something. He looked forward to it every year!
When I looked at the scribbled on pieces of paper lying all over the house, I didn't see the beauty. I thought he was just scribbling and throwing the paper aside.
One day I asked him about it. For him, each of those papers was a story. He would start with a character he drew, and then as he made the story up in his head, he would "act out" the story on the page.
Each one of those scribbles was a story. It was his imagination at work. It was a creative expression.
Creative expression is a great way to practice self-care! Someone else must have recognized this too, as there is a huge market for adult coloring books! The benefit of creative expression is disconnecting from the stressors of life, being in the moment, and creating something beautiful. Our breathing slows down and we start to relax. It allows our bodies to rejuvenate.
Creative expressions can be all kinds of things. It can be painting, coloring, writing stories or poetry, drawing, playing music, baking or cooking, playing with hair or doing makeup, building model airplanes, sewing.... the list is limitless! Whatever sparks your creativity!
Blessings,
Kara
Creative expressions can be all kinds of things. It can be painting, coloring, writing stories or poetry, drawing, playing music, baking or cooking, playing with hair or doing makeup, building model airplanes, sewing.... the list is limitless! Whatever sparks your creativity!
Blessings,
Kara
Tuesday, July 9, 2019
Survival Mode
Our need for self-care isn't always intuitive. We often don't think about our need when we are in the midst of a difficult situation. It requires reflection and intentionality. Oftentimes we are in survival mode and find it hard to think about anything other than the crisis in that moment.
When we are in survival mode we tend to fall back on our old habits. It is so much easier to coast and rely on past learned behavior because doing anything else requires energy and intention. When we are in crisis mode we tend to go into auto-pilot because we are physically and emotionally depleted.
That is precisely when we need to take a step back, take a breath, and remember that YOU matter too.
Practicing self-care needs to become a regular activity. We need to practice it every day so that when we are in crisis, we don't have to think about it. We just do it. And when we take care of ourselves in the midst of a crisis, we will find that we have more resources to deal with the situation. We have clearer thoughts, more creative ideas, more stamina and endurance.
Taking care of ourselves actually benefits everyone around us! Seriously! It is not selfish! It honors our relationships with our family, with our children. It says they are important; that we care enough about them to fill ourselves up so we can be there for them.
Practice taking care of yourself everyday so that when you go to auto-pilot, that is what kicks in.
Blessings,
Kara
When we are in survival mode we tend to fall back on our old habits. It is so much easier to coast and rely on past learned behavior because doing anything else requires energy and intention. When we are in crisis mode we tend to go into auto-pilot because we are physically and emotionally depleted.
That is precisely when we need to take a step back, take a breath, and remember that YOU matter too.
Practicing self-care needs to become a regular activity. We need to practice it every day so that when we are in crisis, we don't have to think about it. We just do it. And when we take care of ourselves in the midst of a crisis, we will find that we have more resources to deal with the situation. We have clearer thoughts, more creative ideas, more stamina and endurance.
Taking care of ourselves actually benefits everyone around us! Seriously! It is not selfish! It honors our relationships with our family, with our children. It says they are important; that we care enough about them to fill ourselves up so we can be there for them.
Practice taking care of yourself everyday so that when you go to auto-pilot, that is what kicks in.
Blessings,
Kara
Thursday, July 4, 2019
Balance
Stress comes in all kinds of shapes and sizes. It is not always the difficult things in life that create stress. For instance, my son and his wife and son came to visit from across the country last week. My grandson is only 3 months old. It was the most amazing thing to have them with us for a week!
When they come home we want to spend every possible minute together and end up staying up way too late LOL! Our time together also includes traveling to visit with extended family, and having our other children home as well. All of this means a (wonderful) change in routine.
Since I work from my home office I am accustomed to spending most of my day alone. As I am getting older I enjoy my alone time more and more. And I don't realize how important it is to me because it just is what it is.
But when that time gets interrupted my body is aware. My muscles tighten, I am exhausted (of course, staying up late contributes that that too!) and I find myself getting quieter and bringing my world in a little closer.
This is when it is important to practice some extra self care. I took a nap. I read a favorite book. I talked to my sister. All of these things have helped me to feel more like myself.
Self care is important in any situation. It is not just for when things are difficult or upsetting. It is for creating and maintaining balance. Try to incorporate it into your everyday life.
Blessings.
Kara
When they come home we want to spend every possible minute together and end up staying up way too late LOL! Our time together also includes traveling to visit with extended family, and having our other children home as well. All of this means a (wonderful) change in routine.
Since I work from my home office I am accustomed to spending most of my day alone. As I am getting older I enjoy my alone time more and more. And I don't realize how important it is to me because it just is what it is.
But when that time gets interrupted my body is aware. My muscles tighten, I am exhausted (of course, staying up late contributes that that too!) and I find myself getting quieter and bringing my world in a little closer.
This is when it is important to practice some extra self care. I took a nap. I read a favorite book. I talked to my sister. All of these things have helped me to feel more like myself.
Self care is important in any situation. It is not just for when things are difficult or upsetting. It is for creating and maintaining balance. Try to incorporate it into your everyday life.
Blessings.
Kara
Friday, June 21, 2019
Don't let your past define you
Don't let your past define you
"No matter what has happened to you in the past or what is going on in your life right now, it has no power to keep you from having an amazingly good future..." Joyce Meyer
I had cancer 5 years ago. After 3 years and 3 biopsies, I had chemo and radiation. For 4 months that was what I did. But it is not who I am. It is, however, part of what has shaped me into the woman I am today.
Allow your past and current experiences to shape you, but don't let them define you. You are still writing your story; the ending is yet unwritten.
Blessings,
Kara
"No matter what has happened to you in the past or what is going on in your life right now, it has no power to keep you from having an amazingly good future..." Joyce Meyer
We all have a story. We are continually writing it. The things that have happened in your past shape the person you have become, but they don't DEFINE you.
I had cancer 5 years ago. After 3 years and 3 biopsies, I had chemo and radiation. For 4 months that was what I did. But it is not who I am. It is, however, part of what has shaped me into the woman I am today.
When my husband and I were first married, we were poor. I mean, really poor. But it was not my identity then and it is not my identity now. It is, however, part of what has shaped me into the woman I am today.
I am able to look back at my experiences and learn from them...see the good things that came out of them. I am able to "clear the clutter" and make room for good things to come into my life.
Allow your past and current experiences to shape you, but don't let them define you. You are still writing your story; the ending is yet unwritten.
Blessings,
Kara
Saturday, June 15, 2019
Blessings
It's the simple things in life that make all the difference.
Family. Friends. Blue sky, sunshine, a gentle breeze.
It is easy to get caught up in having things... wanting to have a nice house, and a fancy car, designer clothes... the perfect life. But those things don't matter in the scheme of life.
Waking up each morning to a new day... spending time with your loved ones... appreciating all of creation. THIS is life.
Today, look around you. Count your blessings, especially the small ones. You woke up this morning. You had a bed to sleep in. You have some place to live. The grass is green, and the flowers are blooming.
What blessings are you counting today?
Kara
Family. Friends. Blue sky, sunshine, a gentle breeze.
It is easy to get caught up in having things... wanting to have a nice house, and a fancy car, designer clothes... the perfect life. But those things don't matter in the scheme of life.
Waking up each morning to a new day... spending time with your loved ones... appreciating all of creation. THIS is life.
Today, look around you. Count your blessings, especially the small ones. You woke up this morning. You had a bed to sleep in. You have some place to live. The grass is green, and the flowers are blooming.
What blessings are you counting today?
Kara
Sunday, June 9, 2019
Practice
The other day I posted about taking some time for myself, calling it "Kara time". I was reflecting on that later in the day and realized I started referring to taking time for oneself that way when my daughter was young. She used to love to be involved in everything. Wanted to be in all the sports, and dance, and girl scouts and theater.... you get the idea. But with her mental health the way it was, there was no way that she could participate in all of those activities. If she had too many things to do in a week, she would have a meltdown.
I came to realize that with all of the anxiety she lived with, and how hard she tried to "hold it in" when she was not at home, she simply needed down time. She needed us to PURPOSEFULLY not schedule things for her to do.
She didn't always understand why we had to say no, but now that she is an adult, she recognizes her need and schedules the time for herself. She had "on the job training" for practicing self-care when she was growing up. We were there to help her understand the need, and brainstorm different ways to accomplish it. She figured out what ways worked for different scenarios, and now she is well-equipped to manage her life.
Blessings,
Kara
I came to realize that with all of the anxiety she lived with, and how hard she tried to "hold it in" when she was not at home, she simply needed down time. She needed us to PURPOSEFULLY not schedule things for her to do.
She didn't always understand why we had to say no, but now that she is an adult, she recognizes her need and schedules the time for herself. She had "on the job training" for practicing self-care when she was growing up. We were there to help her understand the need, and brainstorm different ways to accomplish it. She figured out what ways worked for different scenarios, and now she is well-equipped to manage her life.
Blessings,
Kara
Friday, June 7, 2019
I'm challenging you!
This morning I took a little time for myself. I call it "Kara time". I sat on the couch and streamed a couple of episodes of a show that I enjoy. And I allowed myself to sit there and watch, and not feel guilty about it. And you know what? After that, I felt more than ready to go back to my office and sit down and work.
But it is not always that easy to decide to take time for yourself is it? And especially hard to not feel guilty about it.
At first I thought that I should feel bad about not getting right to work. I am, after all, running a new business and it requires diligence. But then I realized that if I didn't take a little time for myself, I would just sit in my office and be unproductive.
I decided that a couple of hours for me would benefit me in the long run. It would help me to find my motivation and clear my head. It would allow me to realign my priorities so I could focus better. I took a little time to relax and get filled up, and I am glad I did.
Today, I challenge you to take a little time for yourself too! I would love to hear what you did and how it helped!
Blessings,
Kara
But it is not always that easy to decide to take time for yourself is it? And especially hard to not feel guilty about it.
At first I thought that I should feel bad about not getting right to work. I am, after all, running a new business and it requires diligence. But then I realized that if I didn't take a little time for myself, I would just sit in my office and be unproductive.
I decided that a couple of hours for me would benefit me in the long run. It would help me to find my motivation and clear my head. It would allow me to realign my priorities so I could focus better. I took a little time to relax and get filled up, and I am glad I did.
Today, I challenge you to take a little time for yourself too! I would love to hear what you did and how it helped!
Blessings,
Kara
Wednesday, June 5, 2019
Take time for yourself
It is so important to take time for yourself to refuel and recharge. I think sometimes we get so wrapped up in the day to day challenges that we forget to take time for ourselves. But the more you take a little time to breathe and relax, the more you will have for your family. Self care is a necessity, not a privilege.
Blessings,
Kara
Monday, June 3, 2019
Stop the comparison
Don't let other people's social media fool you. Everybody, well almost everybody, only puts the best image of themselves on social media. You get a glimpse into their life and think that everything is happy and perfect in their family.
The truth is, nobody's life is perfect. Every family has challenges and victories with their children. I think sometimes that we get so lost in the number of challenges, and the depth of our challenges, as we parent our children with mental illness, that it is easy to think that other people's families really are perfect.
STOP THE COMPARISON!
No two families are the same. No two kids are the same. Families have different challenges. Children have different likes and dislikes, different temperaments, and different sensitivities.
Comparing yourself, your child, and your family to what you see on social media isn't fair. It isn't fair to you, or anyone else. It is like comparing apples and oranges; both are fruit, but beyond that they are so different that they can't be compared.
Your family and your friends' families are all families, but beyond that they cannot be compared. There are an infinite number of variables in play. All you an do is the best that YOU can do for YOUR family.
Look at your own family and celebrate the victories - big or small.
Blessings,
Kara
The truth is, nobody's life is perfect. Every family has challenges and victories with their children. I think sometimes that we get so lost in the number of challenges, and the depth of our challenges, as we parent our children with mental illness, that it is easy to think that other people's families really are perfect.
STOP THE COMPARISON!
No two families are the same. No two kids are the same. Families have different challenges. Children have different likes and dislikes, different temperaments, and different sensitivities.
Comparing yourself, your child, and your family to what you see on social media isn't fair. It isn't fair to you, or anyone else. It is like comparing apples and oranges; both are fruit, but beyond that they are so different that they can't be compared.
Your family and your friends' families are all families, but beyond that they cannot be compared. There are an infinite number of variables in play. All you an do is the best that YOU can do for YOUR family.
Look at your own family and celebrate the victories - big or small.
Blessings,
Kara
Tuesday, May 28, 2019
We can do hard things
We can do hard things. I like this statement. No, I LOVE this statement! .
This is a motto from Glennon Doyle at momastery.com.
I love it because it is so empowering. No matter how you say it, it brings forth courage and tenacity and our fierce love for our children!
Sometimes when things seem so difficult and it feels like we are running into walls, or beating our heads against walls, it helps to remember this. It is a reminder of how strong we are. And, it is reminder that we are not in this alone. It is a reminder that we are doing these hard things WITH our children. They are going through some really hard stuff, and we are right there alongside them trying our best to help them in any way we can.
So, today, look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you can do hard things. And look at your child and tell them "we can do hard things".
Blessings,
Kara
This is a motto from Glennon Doyle at momastery.com.
I love it because it is so empowering. No matter how you say it, it brings forth courage and tenacity and our fierce love for our children!
WE can do hard things
We CAN do hard things
We can DO hard things
We can do HARD things
Sometimes when things seem so difficult and it feels like we are running into walls, or beating our heads against walls, it helps to remember this. It is a reminder of how strong we are. And, it is reminder that we are not in this alone. It is a reminder that we are doing these hard things WITH our children. They are going through some really hard stuff, and we are right there alongside them trying our best to help them in any way we can.
So, today, look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you can do hard things. And look at your child and tell them "we can do hard things".
Blessings,
Kara
Saturday, May 25, 2019
Stop and smell the roses
Nature is a great self-care tool. There is something about being out in nature that allows us to slow down for a moment and breathe. Now that spring has finally sprung, take 5 minutes (or more if you have it!) and go outside.
Feel the grass on your feet, look at the trees, look up at the sky and feel the breeze. Close your eyes and listen the birds. Smell the flowers or the fresh cut grass. Feel the sun on your skin.
I have found that spending even just a few minutes appreciating nature helps me feel more balanced. It helps me put things back into perspective and gives me a mental boost.
I often have songs pop into my head. Forgive me, but I am child of the 70's! Stop and Smell the Roses by Mac Davis is the song that is in my head today. Click on the link below and take a few minutes to listen!
https://binged.it/2Qp55l6
Blessings,
Kara
Feel the grass on your feet, look at the trees, look up at the sky and feel the breeze. Close your eyes and listen the birds. Smell the flowers or the fresh cut grass. Feel the sun on your skin.
I have found that spending even just a few minutes appreciating nature helps me feel more balanced. It helps me put things back into perspective and gives me a mental boost.
I often have songs pop into my head. Forgive me, but I am child of the 70's! Stop and Smell the Roses by Mac Davis is the song that is in my head today. Click on the link below and take a few minutes to listen!
https://binged.it/2Qp55l6
Blessings,
Kara
Tuesday, May 21, 2019
Respect
R - read a good book, rest, find resources for yourself
E - exercise, encourage others, explore something new
S - sing, sleep, simplify your life, be silent and listen, support your needs
P - pray, pamper yourself, be present, have patience, pay attention, prioritize
E - name your emotions, eat healthy
C - cry, call a friend, communicate, make a commitment to yourself
T - trust your instincts, find your truth, treat yourself, talk to friend, take time for yourself
Monday, May 20, 2019
Far from perfect
I am not perfect. I made a lot of mistakes as a parent. I lost my temper. I said “no” for the wrong reasons. I said “yes” for the wrong reasons. A lot of times I did this because I wanted to maintain the peace, any amount of peace, at all cost.
Sometimes I said the wrong thing altogether. Other times I just wanted to give up...more times than I would care to admit in fact. I wasn’t sure I could do it. I felt like a failure.
But do you know what? Every day I would wake up and it was a new day. Miraculously I would have a little more strength to start over, and either move on or try to make up for the mistakes from the day before.
All you can do is start where you are. Where you are right now is a good starting place. You have within you the lessons you have learned along the way. Parenting doesn’t come with a manual. And no 2 kids are the same. We have to figure it out as we go.
“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” - Maya Angelou
Saturday, May 18, 2019
Clear your head
Do you find yourself lying awake at night as everything that happened throughout the day swirls around in your head? And then you get up the next morning and you already feel stressed? I used to not even notice how stressed I was, and how I was clenching my muscles all of the time trying to "hold myself together". There is a certain amount of that "muscle clenching" and "swirling" that just comes with the territory of raising kids - any kids, not to mention kids with special needs or mental illness.
But there are things that you can do to help clear your head. Sometimes just talking to a friend or another loved one helps to get all of the "stuff" out. It is great when that works out! Sometimes we don't have someone to share (read: vent) with, or sharing with others just makes everything feel MORE stressful. Let's face it, if our friends or loved ones are not living with the same sorts of issues that we are, they won't fully understand. And often, in their kind-hearted effort to understand and be supportive, they end up making us feel worse.
If this is the case for you, or even if it is not, try writing your thoughts and feelings down. Create a journal, either with a notebook, or fancy bound journal, or even just a file on your computer or phone. Make sure that you keep it private.
Write down EVERYTHING. Write down the events of the day, good and bad and neutral. Write down the thoughts or worries that are going through your mind. Write down your frustrations. Make a note of your successes! Doodle. Write poetry, or draw pictures. Write it in ALL CAPS or in small careful letters. Write down things you are afraid to say out loud. Write out how you wish things were. Let everything out. It is so cathartic!
Blessing,
Kara
But there are things that you can do to help clear your head. Sometimes just talking to a friend or another loved one helps to get all of the "stuff" out. It is great when that works out! Sometimes we don't have someone to share (read: vent) with, or sharing with others just makes everything feel MORE stressful. Let's face it, if our friends or loved ones are not living with the same sorts of issues that we are, they won't fully understand. And often, in their kind-hearted effort to understand and be supportive, they end up making us feel worse.
If this is the case for you, or even if it is not, try writing your thoughts and feelings down. Create a journal, either with a notebook, or fancy bound journal, or even just a file on your computer or phone. Make sure that you keep it private.
Write down EVERYTHING. Write down the events of the day, good and bad and neutral. Write down the thoughts or worries that are going through your mind. Write down your frustrations. Make a note of your successes! Doodle. Write poetry, or draw pictures. Write it in ALL CAPS or in small careful letters. Write down things you are afraid to say out loud. Write out how you wish things were. Let everything out. It is so cathartic!
Blessing,
Kara
Thursday, May 16, 2019
Tell yourself good things
When things are difficult and days are dark it can be hard to remember the good things. One way to help you cope and keep a good perspective as you are going through trying times is to say affirmations to yourself.
You are the person that influences yourself the most. When you have negative self talk, you believe the things you tell yourself and you feel awful. Practice saying some affirmations to yourself on a regular basis. The more you tell yourself positive things, the more you will believe it! And if you find yourself saying something negative, chase it down with 2 positive affirmations! Here are some examples to get you started:
- I am worthy
- I am loved
- I am a good mom/dad
- I am loveable
- I am learning
- I am trying
- I forgive myself for the mistakes I have made
- I am good at (fill in the blank)
- I can do this
- I am strong
- I am not alone
As you start your own list you will find affirmations that are meaningful to you. If you struggle with finding your own affirmations try talking to yourself like you would talk to your best friend.
Blessings,
Kara
Wednesday, May 15, 2019
Quick ways to take care of yourself
Taking care of ourselves is so important. I mean, it is important for everyone, but if those of us who are parenting children with mental illnesses don't take the time and effort to take care of ourselves, we will shrivel up and become useless.
At least that is what it feels like.
There are so many things that you can do for yourself to help fill yourself up. Some cost money and some don't. Some require TIME, and others only take a moment. I know from experience that sometimes there was just simply not TIME to take for myself. So, here are a couple of ideas for you that you can do when you don't have time.
1. Look at yourself in the mirror and say out loud that you are doing a good job - that you are doing the best that you can do in this moment in time. Say it even if you don't believe it. This only takes a moment and can be done when you are in the bathroom. Easy and effective.
2. Play music that you like. Maybe you can play it while you are in the car (turn it up loud and sing along!), or maybe you can just have it on in the background as you go about your day.
3. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths.... let them out slowly. In with the good, out with the bad...
Blessings,
Kara
At least that is what it feels like.
There are so many things that you can do for yourself to help fill yourself up. Some cost money and some don't. Some require TIME, and others only take a moment. I know from experience that sometimes there was just simply not TIME to take for myself. So, here are a couple of ideas for you that you can do when you don't have time.
1. Look at yourself in the mirror and say out loud that you are doing a good job - that you are doing the best that you can do in this moment in time. Say it even if you don't believe it. This only takes a moment and can be done when you are in the bathroom. Easy and effective.
2. Play music that you like. Maybe you can play it while you are in the car (turn it up loud and sing along!), or maybe you can just have it on in the background as you go about your day.
3. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths.... let them out slowly. In with the good, out with the bad...
Blessings,
Kara
Friday, May 10, 2019
How strong are you?
We are some of the strongest people that I know!
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger! (Are you hearing Kelly Clarkson's song in your head?) It's true! As parents of children with mental illness we go through so much with our kids. Sometimes I would tell God that I was pretty strong already and didn't need to get any stronger! Little did I know...
You know, this is true for our kids as well. They are going through some pretty terrible stuff. Some of it is normal kid stuff, and some of it is so far out there that it is hard to imagine how they must be feeling. Sometimes in my moments of sanity I would tell my daughter how strong she was and how proud I was of her for how she was handing things (even though from the outside it looked like a disaster). Even when things were tough, she was using all of the coping skills that she had learned and was trying, but it was really overwhelming. She was doing the best that she could.
I think that we as parents probably look like that too. We are using all of our coping skills to get through but it probably still looks like a disaster from the outside. Maybe even feels that way on the inside. This is why it is SO IMPORTANT that we take time for ourselves, to fill ourselves up and replenish our reserves. If you have blocks of time that you can set aside for yourself, that's great! More power to you! For a lot of us, it is near impossible to find a moment to do that. But even then, when you are in the bathroom, just look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you are doing the best that you can do. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Maybe wash your face or just freshen up a little bit. Every little thing makes a difference.
Blessings,
Kara
You know, this is true for our kids as well. They are going through some pretty terrible stuff. Some of it is normal kid stuff, and some of it is so far out there that it is hard to imagine how they must be feeling. Sometimes in my moments of sanity I would tell my daughter how strong she was and how proud I was of her for how she was handing things (even though from the outside it looked like a disaster). Even when things were tough, she was using all of the coping skills that she had learned and was trying, but it was really overwhelming. She was doing the best that she could.
I think that we as parents probably look like that too. We are using all of our coping skills to get through but it probably still looks like a disaster from the outside. Maybe even feels that way on the inside. This is why it is SO IMPORTANT that we take time for ourselves, to fill ourselves up and replenish our reserves. If you have blocks of time that you can set aside for yourself, that's great! More power to you! For a lot of us, it is near impossible to find a moment to do that. But even then, when you are in the bathroom, just look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you are doing the best that you can do. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Maybe wash your face or just freshen up a little bit. Every little thing makes a difference.
Blessings,
Kara
Wednesday, May 8, 2019
We are all human
We are all human. Even those of us with more challenging circumstances. Allow yourself to make mistakes, learn from them and move on.
More often than we'd like, we find ourselves losing our patience with our children. We snap, or yell, or punish when we know what they need is compassion and understanding. It's just not always that easy. And because we are just so exhausted it is easy to get down on ourselves. We tell ourselves that we are bad parents, or they would be better off if someone else was their mom or dad.
Be kind to yourself. Instead of all the negative self talk we are all prone to, treat yourself like you would treat your best friend. If your friend was explaining a situation to you like the one you just had, you would tell them it's ok.... they are not a bad parent... everyone loses it from time to time and to forgive themselves. So listen to your own advice. Be the friend that you need for yourself. And if you need to, apologize to your child. Letting your child know you are human will go a long way in your relationship with them.
Blessings,
Kara
More often than we'd like, we find ourselves losing our patience with our children. We snap, or yell, or punish when we know what they need is compassion and understanding. It's just not always that easy. And because we are just so exhausted it is easy to get down on ourselves. We tell ourselves that we are bad parents, or they would be better off if someone else was their mom or dad.
Be kind to yourself. Instead of all the negative self talk we are all prone to, treat yourself like you would treat your best friend. If your friend was explaining a situation to you like the one you just had, you would tell them it's ok.... they are not a bad parent... everyone loses it from time to time and to forgive themselves. So listen to your own advice. Be the friend that you need for yourself. And if you need to, apologize to your child. Letting your child know you are human will go a long way in your relationship with them.
Blessings,
Kara
Tuesday, May 7, 2019
Extrovert or introvert?
When you are feeling depleted, what do you do?
Some people are extroverts and when they find themselves empty and exhausted they go out with friends or go do something where there are a lot of people. All of the energy around them helps fill them back up.
Others are introverts. When they feel empty and exhausted they may take a bath or curl up with a good book. Being alone is how they get filled back up.
It is important to know what works for you. At the end of a long day are you ready to go out for drinks with friends, or curl up in your jammies at home?
Whatever works for you, make a note of it. Then brainstorm a little bit and come up with a list of things that could help you get filled up when you are empty.
Write this list out. Put it somewhere where you can see it. When you find yourself depleted you have a ready-made list of ideas to help you get back without having to spend the energy to try to figure out what you need.
Blessings,
Kara
Some people are extroverts and when they find themselves empty and exhausted they go out with friends or go do something where there are a lot of people. All of the energy around them helps fill them back up.
Others are introverts. When they feel empty and exhausted they may take a bath or curl up with a good book. Being alone is how they get filled back up.
It is important to know what works for you. At the end of a long day are you ready to go out for drinks with friends, or curl up in your jammies at home?
Whatever works for you, make a note of it. Then brainstorm a little bit and come up with a list of things that could help you get filled up when you are empty.
Write this list out. Put it somewhere where you can see it. When you find yourself depleted you have a ready-made list of ideas to help you get back without having to spend the energy to try to figure out what you need.
Blessings,
Kara
Saturday, May 4, 2019
Self-care is a win-win!
Hello everyone, and Happy Spring! May the 4th be with you! Ha!
When I started Living Rhythm and Joy 10 years ago I had a Christian focus. I wanted to help people discover their passion and purpose in life. I still love when I am able to do that. But during the past 10 years I found a subset of the population that could really use some coaching around self-care. I found it because I belonged to it... parents of children with mental illness. Its a hard road. And its exhausting. We want to help our children. All we want is for them to be happy and care-free. And every day is a new battle.
You know how when you are flying somewhere and before the airplane takes off they do the "safety dance" where they tell you how to buckle your seat belt, where the emergency exits are and about the oxygen masks etc.? They always tell you to be sure to put the oxygen mask on yourself before you help your child or anyone else. Have you ever wondered why? It is because you won't be able to help others if you don't help yourself first. You need to make sure that you are able to breathe in order to help others.
Parenting children with mental illness is like that. You NEED to take care of yourself and make sure that you can BREATHE if you are going to be able to help your child. While is seems easiest to put ourselves on the back burner because our children are in crisis, we won't be able to be there for them if we are completely depleted. This is why self-care is so important. Not only are you taking care of yourself, but you filling yourself up so you can be there for your child. Its a win-win.
Blessings to you,
Kara
When I started Living Rhythm and Joy 10 years ago I had a Christian focus. I wanted to help people discover their passion and purpose in life. I still love when I am able to do that. But during the past 10 years I found a subset of the population that could really use some coaching around self-care. I found it because I belonged to it... parents of children with mental illness. Its a hard road. And its exhausting. We want to help our children. All we want is for them to be happy and care-free. And every day is a new battle.
You know how when you are flying somewhere and before the airplane takes off they do the "safety dance" where they tell you how to buckle your seat belt, where the emergency exits are and about the oxygen masks etc.? They always tell you to be sure to put the oxygen mask on yourself before you help your child or anyone else. Have you ever wondered why? It is because you won't be able to help others if you don't help yourself first. You need to make sure that you are able to breathe in order to help others.
Parenting children with mental illness is like that. You NEED to take care of yourself and make sure that you can BREATHE if you are going to be able to help your child. While is seems easiest to put ourselves on the back burner because our children are in crisis, we won't be able to be there for them if we are completely depleted. This is why self-care is so important. Not only are you taking care of yourself, but you filling yourself up so you can be there for your child. Its a win-win.
Blessings to you,
Kara
Saturday, April 27, 2019
Welcome to the re-launching of Living Rhythm and Joy!
I started Living Rhythm and Joy about 10 years ago. Shortly thereafter, let's just say.... LIFE happened, things got complicated and it was made clear to me that my time and energy were needed elsewhere. Sometime, in another post, I will tell the story about how it was confirmed to me that I needed to put LRJ on hold for awhile.
But right now I am super excited to be delving back into life coaching again full time! The past 10 years have been challenging, amazing and rewarding. One of the things that happened during this time was a shift and refocusing of my area of specialty. So...
Welcome to Living Rhythm and Joy, a place where I help parents of children with mental illness practice self-care and find peace and joy amidst the chaos. I am happy to have you here!
Kara
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