We can do hard things

We can do hard things. I like this statement. No, I LOVE this statement! .

This is a motto from Glennon Doyle at momastery.com.

I love it because it is so empowering. No matter how you say it, it brings forth courage and tenacity and our fierce love for our children!

WE can do hard things

We CAN do hard things

We can DO hard things

We can do HARD things

Sometimes when things seem so difficult and it feels like we are running into walls, or beating our heads against walls, it helps to remember this. It is a reminder of how strong we are. And, it is reminder that we are not in this alone. It is a reminder that we are doing these hard things WITH our children. They are going through some really hard stuff, and we are right there alongside them trying our best to help them in any way we can.

So, today, look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you can do hard things. And look at your child and tell them "we can do hard things".

Blessings,
Kara

Stop and smell the roses

Nature is a great self-care tool. There is something about being out in nature that allows us to slow down for a moment and breathe. Now that spring has finally sprung, take 5 minutes (or more if you have it!) and go outside.

Feel the grass on your feet, look at the trees, look up at the sky and feel the breeze. Close your eyes and listen the birds. Smell the flowers or the fresh cut grass. Feel the sun on your skin.

I have found that spending even just a few minutes appreciating nature helps me feel more balanced. It helps me put things back into perspective and gives me a mental boost.

I often have songs pop into my head. Forgive me, but I am child of the 70's! Stop and Smell the Roses by Mac Davis is the song that is in my head today. Click on the link below and take a few minutes to listen!

https://binged.it/2Qp55l6

Blessings,
Kara

Respect

Part of taking care of yourself is to respect yourself. There are so many ways to honor and respect yourself. Here are some ideas to get you started!

R - read a good book, rest, find resources for yourself

E - exercise, encourage others, explore something new

S - sing, sleep, simplify your life, be silent and listen, support your needs

P - pray, pamper yourself, be present, have patience, pay attention, prioritize

E - name your emotions, eat healthy

C - cry, call a friend, communicate, make a commitment to yourself

T - trust your instincts, find your truth, treat yourself, talk to friend, take time for yourself

Far from perfect

I am not perfect. I made a lot of mistakes as a parent. I lost my temper. I said “no” for the wrong reasons. I said “yes” for the wrong reasons. A lot of times I did this because I wanted to maintain the peace, any amount of peace, at all cost.

Sometimes I said the wrong thing altogether. Other times I just wanted to give up...more times than I would care to admit in fact. I wasn’t sure I could do it. I felt like a failure.

But do you know what? Every day I would wake up and it was a new day. Miraculously I would have a little more strength to start over, and either move on or try to make up for the mistakes from the day before.

All you can do is start where you are. Where you are right now is a good starting place. You have within you the lessons you have learned along the way. Parenting doesn’t come with a manual. And no 2 kids are the same. We have to figure it out as we go.

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” - Maya Angelou

Clear your head

Do you find yourself lying awake at night as everything that happened throughout the day swirls around in your head? And then you get up the next morning and you already feel stressed? I used to not even notice how stressed I was, and how I was clenching my muscles all of the time trying to "hold myself together". There is a certain amount of that "muscle clenching" and "swirling" that just comes with the territory of raising kids - any kids, not to mention kids with special needs or mental illness.

But there are things that you can do to help clear your head. Sometimes just talking to a friend or another loved one helps to get all of the "stuff" out. It is great when that works out! Sometimes we don't have someone to share (read: vent) with, or sharing with others just makes everything feel MORE stressful. Let's face it, if our friends or loved ones are not living with the same sorts of issues that we are, they won't fully understand. And often, in their kind-hearted effort to understand and be supportive, they end up making us feel worse.

If this is the case for you, or even if it is not, try writing your thoughts and feelings down. Create a journal, either with a notebook, or fancy bound journal, or even just a file on your computer or phone. Make sure that you keep it private.

Write down EVERYTHING. Write down the events of the day, good and bad and neutral. Write down the thoughts or worries that are going through your mind. Write down your frustrations. Make a note of your successes! Doodle. Write poetry, or draw pictures. Write it in ALL CAPS or in small careful letters. Write down things you are afraid to say out loud. Write out how you wish things were. Let everything out. It is so cathartic!

Blessing,
Kara

Tell yourself good things

When things are difficult and days are dark it can be hard to remember the good things. One way to help you cope and keep a good perspective as you are going through trying times is to say affirmations to yourself.

You are the person that influences yourself the most. When you have negative self talk, you believe the things you tell yourself and you feel awful. Practice saying some affirmations to yourself on a regular basis. The more you tell yourself positive things, the more you will believe it! And if you find yourself saying something negative, chase it down with 2 positive affirmations! Here are some examples to get you started:

• I am worthy
• I am loved
• I am a good mom/dad
• I am loveable
• I am learning
• I am trying
• I forgive myself for the mistakes I have made
• I am good at (fill in the blank)
• I can do this
• I am strong
• I am not alone

As you start your own list you will find affirmations that are meaningful to you. If you struggle with finding your own affirmations try talking to yourself like you would talk to your best friend.

Blessings, 

Kara

Quick ways to take care of yourself

Taking care of ourselves is so important. I mean, it is important for everyone, but if those of us who are parenting children with mental illnesses don't take the time and effort to take care of ourselves, we will shrivel up and become useless.

At least that is what it feels like.

There are so many things that you can do for yourself to help fill yourself up. Some cost money and some don't. Some require TIME, and others only take a moment. I know from experience that sometimes there was just simply not TIME to take for myself. So, here are a couple of ideas for you that you can do when you don't have time.

1. Look at yourself in the mirror and say out loud that you are doing a good job - that you are doing the best that you can do in this moment in time. Say it even if you don't believe it. This only takes a moment and can be done when you are in the bathroom. Easy and effective.

2. Play music that you like. Maybe you can play it while you are in the car (turn it up loud and sing along!), or maybe you can just have it on in the background as you go about your day.

3. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths.... let them out slowly. In with the good, out with the bad...


Blessings,
Kara

How strong are you?

We are some of the strongest people that I know!

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger! (Are you hearing Kelly Clarkson's song in your head?) It's true! As parents of children with mental illness we go through so much with our kids. Sometimes I would tell God that I was pretty strong already and didn't need to get any stronger! Little did I know...

You know, this is true for our kids as well. They are going through some pretty terrible stuff. Some of it is normal kid stuff, and some of it is so far out there that it is hard to imagine how they must be feeling. Sometimes in my moments of sanity I would tell my daughter how strong she was and how proud I was of her for how she was handing things (even though from the outside it looked like a disaster). Even when things were tough, she was using all of the coping skills that she had learned and was trying, but it was really overwhelming. She was doing the best that she could.

I think that we as parents probably look like that too. We are using all of our coping skills to get through but it probably still looks like a disaster from the outside. Maybe even feels that way on the inside. This is why it is SO IMPORTANT that we take time for ourselves, to fill ourselves up and replenish our reserves. If you have blocks of time that you can set aside for yourself, that's great! More power to you! For a lot of us, it is near impossible to find a moment to do that. But even then, when you are in the bathroom, just look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you are doing the best that you can do. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Maybe wash your face or just freshen up a little bit. Every little thing makes a difference.

Blessings,
Kara

We are all human

We are all human. Even those of us with more challenging circumstances. Allow yourself to make mistakes, learn from them and move on.

More often than we'd like, we find ourselves losing our patience with our children. We snap, or yell, or punish when we know what they need is compassion and understanding. It's just not always that easy. And because we are just so exhausted it is easy to get down on ourselves. We tell ourselves that we are bad parents, or they would be better off if someone else was their mom or dad.

Be kind to yourself. Instead of all the negative self talk we are all prone to, treat yourself like you would treat your best friend. If your friend was explaining a situation to you like the one you just had, you would tell them it's ok.... they are not a bad parent... everyone loses it from time to time and to forgive themselves. So listen to your own advice. Be the friend that you need for yourself. And if you need to, apologize to your child. Letting your child know you are human will go a long way in your relationship with them.

Blessings,
Kara

Extrovert or introvert?

When you are feeling depleted, what do you do?

Some people are extroverts and when they find themselves empty and exhausted they go out with friends or go do something where there are a lot of people. All of the energy around them helps fill them back up.

Others are introverts. When they feel empty and exhausted they may take a bath or curl up with a good book. Being alone is how they get filled back up.

It is important to know what works for you. At the end of a long day are you ready to go out for drinks with friends, or curl up in your jammies at home?

Whatever works for you, make a note of it. Then brainstorm a little bit and come up with a list of things that could help you get filled up when you are empty.

Write this list out. Put it somewhere where you can see it. When you find yourself depleted you have a ready-made list of ideas to help you get back without having to spend the energy to try to figure out what you need.

Blessings,
Kara

Self-care is a win-win!

Hello everyone, and Happy Spring! May the 4th be with you! Ha!

When I started Living Rhythm and Joy 10 years ago I had a Christian focus. I wanted to help people discover their passion and purpose in life. I still love when I am able to do that. But during the past 10 years I found a subset of the population that could really use some coaching around self-care. I found it because I belonged to it... parents of children with mental illness. Its a hard road. And its exhausting. We want to help our children. All we want is for them to be happy and care-free. And every day is a new battle.

You know how when you are flying somewhere and before the airplane takes off they do the "safety dance" where they tell you how to buckle your seat belt, where the emergency exits are and about the oxygen masks etc.? They always tell you to be sure to put the oxygen mask on yourself before you help your child or anyone else. Have you ever wondered why? It is because you won't be able to help others if you don't help yourself first. You need to make sure that you are able to breathe in order to help others.

Parenting children with mental illness is like that. You NEED to take care of yourself and make sure that you can BREATHE if you are going to be able to help your child. While is seems easiest to put ourselves on the back burner because our children are in crisis, we won't be able to be there for them if we are completely depleted. This is why self-care is so important. Not only are you taking care of yourself, but you filling yourself up so you can be there for your child. Its a win-win.

Blessings to you,
Kara