Focus on the good

The last couple of weeks have been different than ever before. For all of us. It is not usually something we can say: all of us are going through the same challenging circumstance, Of course, each of us is having our own experience, but we are all living through this pandemic.

It is easy to focus on the fear. To watch and read all the news we can and worry about things we cannot control. But where does that get us??

Instead, I challenge you to focus on the good... the hope. What is the good you ask? Where is the hope? Just stop and look around you!

•  Communities are coming together
•  Strangers are helping strangers
•  People are checking in with friends or family they haven't talked to for a long time
•  Businesses are giving their products away, and finding new ways to use their resources to help those in need
•  You have time on your hands.... time to reflect and connect on a deeper level
•  You have time to have real conversations
•  You have an opportunity to spend quality time with your kids
•  Spring is springing! Spring brings new hope and new life with it

I challenge you to add to this list! What good and hopeful things are YOU seeing around you? Write your answers in the comments! For me, I have challenged myself to post something that I am thankful for EVERY day. It is a way to remember those things we are grateful for and change our focus. You can find it on Instagram and Facebook. Please join me!

Blessings,

Kara

An Example of Self-Care in Progress

I woke up this morning and realized that I have been obsessing about my weight, specifically about what the scale says. Now don't get me wrong, my weight is definitely something I should be concerned about, but I realized that I was actually obsessing and it bothered me. I don't want to fall down that rabbit hole. I know that it is a slippery slope.

I tell you this because I want to share how useful self-care techniques can be.

I talked to God about it a little bit, and then decided to journal. I wanted to see if I could figure out how to put it in perspective. I started out just writing the things that I knew. How I was feeling and what I was doing. But as I wrote, I started to realize some new things. I realized that my obsession with what the scale is telling me is really just a manifestation of what is really bothering me.

Interestingly, obsessing about my weight and the scale felt less scary then what is really on my mind. It felt like something I could have some control over. It felt less vulnerable.

Now that I know what is really worrying me, I can do something to address the real issue. If I just carried on believing it was my weight and focusing on that, I would never solve the real problem and it would never get better.

What is the real issue underneath your feelings?

Blessings,
Kara

Our job as parents

Being a parent is a big job. Our kids need us to take care of their ever changing needs. It is so easy to get caught up in the day to day business of parenting. We feed them, set boundaries, chauffeur them to all of their activities, we make sure they do their homework and get them to bed.

They need us to do these things. But in the busyness of our lives I think we sometimes forget that there is so much more to being a parent.

We also need to teach them about being kind to others. We need to teach them that they are never alone. That they are loved unconditionally. We need to give them words for their feelings, and ways to deal with them. We need to be a sounding board for them, so they can tell us all the things that are going on in their lives and help them make sense of it.

We need to meet them where they are and help them along the path to adulthood. Sometimes they need us to hold their hands and walk with them, but other times they need us to give them some guidance and let them go.

When we are parenting kids with mental health issues, these things are even more important. They are experiencing so much, and in extreme measures. The more they understand emotions, the more coping skills they have, and the more they know they are not alone, the better able they will be to manage their lives. If we can teach them this, as well as model it for them, we are on the right track!

Blessings,
Kara

Back to school

Now that the kids are back to school, take a little time for yourself. Let the dishes sit in the sink. Let the laundry wait. Vacuuming can happen later.

Take some time while you have it to refuel yourself. Maybe sit down with a good book, or soak in the tub. Indulge in some grown up TV, or rent a movie. Maybe even go out alone, knowing that your kids are ok for a few hours. Allocate a little time today to fill yourself up!

Blessings,
Kara

It's OK to cry

It is OK to cry. It is OK to get mad. It is OK to be frustrated and angry and to feel like it is all so unfair. Have your feelings!

The thing about feelings is that if you don't allow yourself to feel the bad ones, you won't be able to feel the good ones either. It is all or nothing.

If you allow yourself some time to be mad and hurt and cry you will feel better. Crying is actually a physiological release. And then you will be better able appreciate and feel the good things. Because those good things ARE there too. Sometimes we just miss them in the middle of all the hard things.

In 1972 Marlo Thomas created a project including an album and a book called Free to Be.... You and Me. It was turned into a television special in 1974. I have very fond, warm memories of this from when I was a kid. If you have time, I recommend looking it up on YouTube to see if you can watch and/or hear the whole thing.

But, here is a link to one of the songs called It's Alright to Cry. I think of this often when I remind myself of someone else that it's OK to cry.

Blessings,
Kara

Have you ever heard of a compliment jar?

A compliment jar is a great way to take care of yourself - now and in the future! The way it works is that whenever something good happens to you, write it down on a piece of paper. Then put that piece of paper into a jar (or box, or bag.... whatever works for you!).

Do this every day. Do it for small things and do it for big things. It could be something like "I helped someone at work today" or "I got out of bed" or "We got through breakfast with no fighting today".

When you make a point to write the compliment down, you will remember it. And, when you are having a harder day, you can look through all of the notes in your compliment jar and remember that everything isn't always bad. Sometimes we need that reminder.

Start your jar today!

Blessings,
Kara

When my son was very small, he used to love to draw and tell stories on paper. Every Christmas his Auntie would give him a ream of paper and pencils or crayons or something. He looked forward to it every year! 

When I looked at the scribbled on pieces of paper lying all over the house, I didn't see the beauty. I thought he was just scribbling and throwing the paper aside.

One day I asked him about it. For him, each of those papers was a story. He would start with a character he drew, and then as he made the story up in his head, he would "act out" the story on the page.

Each one of those scribbles was a story. It was his imagination at work. It was a creative expression.

Creative expression is a great way to practice self-care! Someone else must have recognized this too, as there is a huge market for adult coloring books! The benefit of creative expression is disconnecting from the stressors of life, being in the moment, and creating something beautiful. Our breathing slows down and we start to relax. It allows our bodies to rejuvenate.

Creative expressions can be all kinds of things. It can be painting, coloring, writing stories or poetry, drawing, playing music, baking or cooking, playing with hair or doing makeup, building model airplanes, sewing.... the list is limitless! Whatever sparks your creativity!

Blessings,
Kara

Survival Mode

Our need for self-care isn't always intuitive. We often don't think about our need when we are in the midst of a difficult situation. It requires reflection and intentionality. Oftentimes we are in survival mode and find it hard to think about anything other than the crisis in that moment.

When we are in survival mode we tend to fall back on our old habits. It is so much easier to coast and rely on past learned behavior because doing anything else requires energy and intention. When we are in crisis mode we tend to go into auto-pilot because we are physically and emotionally depleted.

That is precisely when we need to take a step back, take a breath, and remember that YOU matter too. 

Practicing self-care needs to become a regular activity. We need to practice it every day so that when we are in crisis, we don't have to think about it. We just do it. And when we take care of ourselves in the midst of a crisis, we will find that we have more resources to deal with the situation. We have clearer thoughts, more creative ideas, more stamina and endurance.

Taking care of ourselves actually benefits everyone around us! Seriously! It is not selfish! It honors our relationships with our family, with our children. It says they are important; that we care enough about them to fill ourselves up so we can be there for them.

Practice taking care of yourself everyday so that when you go to auto-pilot, that is what kicks in.

Blessings,
Kara

Balance

Stress comes in all kinds of shapes and sizes. It is not always the difficult things in life that create stress. For instance, my son and his wife and son came to visit from across the country last week. My grandson is only 3 months old. It was the most amazing thing to have them with us for a week!

When they come home we want to spend every possible minute together and end up staying up way too late LOL! Our time together also includes traveling to visit with extended family, and having our other children home as well. All of this means a (wonderful) change in routine.

Since I work from my home office I am accustomed to spending most of my day alone. As I am getting older I enjoy my alone time more and more. And I don't realize how important it is to me because it just is what it is.

But when that time gets interrupted my body is aware. My muscles tighten, I am exhausted (of course, staying up late contributes that that too!) and I find myself getting quieter and bringing my world in a little closer.

This is when it is important to practice some extra self care. I took a nap. I read a favorite book. I talked to my sister. All of these things have helped me to feel more like myself.

Self care is important in any situation. It is not just for when things are difficult or upsetting. It is for creating and maintaining balance. Try to incorporate it into your everyday life.

Blessings.
Kara

Don't let your past define you

Don't let your past define you

"No matter what has happened to you in the past or what is going on in your life right now, it has no power to keep you from having an amazingly good future..."   Joyce Meyer

We all have a story. We are continually writing it. The things that have happened in your past shape the person you have become, but they don't DEFINE you. 

I had cancer 5 years ago. After 3 years and 3 biopsies, I had chemo and radiation. For 4 months that was what I did. But it is not who I am. It is, however, part of what has shaped me into the woman I am today. 

When my husband and I were first married, we were poor. I mean, really poor. But it was not my identity then and it is not my identity now. It is, however, part of what has shaped me into the woman I am today.

I am able to look back at my experiences and learn from them...see the good things that came out of them. I am able to "clear the clutter" and make room for good things to come into my life. 

Allow your past and current experiences to shape you, but don't let them define you. You are still writing your story; the ending is yet unwritten.

Blessings,
Kara

Blessings

It's the simple things in life that make all the difference.

Family. Friends. Blue sky, sunshine, a gentle breeze.

It is easy to get caught up in having things... wanting to have a nice house, and a fancy car, designer clothes... the perfect life. But those things don't matter in the scheme of life.

Waking up each morning to a new day... spending time with your loved ones... appreciating all of creation. THIS is life.

Today, look around you. Count your blessings, especially the small ones. You woke up this morning. You had a bed to sleep in. You have some place to live. The grass is green, and the flowers are blooming.

What blessings are you counting today?

Kara

Practice

The other day I posted about taking some time for myself, calling it "Kara time". I was reflecting on that later in the day and realized I started referring to taking time for oneself that way when my daughter was young. She used to love to be involved in everything. Wanted to be in all the sports, and dance, and girl scouts and theater.... you get the idea. But with her mental health the way it was, there was no way that she could participate in all of those activities. If she had too many things to do in a week, she would have a meltdown.

I came to realize that with all of the anxiety she lived with, and how hard she tried to "hold it in" when she was not at home, she simply needed down time. She needed us to PURPOSEFULLY not schedule things for her to do.

She didn't always understand why we had to say no, but now that she is an adult, she recognizes her need and schedules the time for herself. She had "on the job training" for practicing self-care when she was growing up. We were there to help her understand the need, and brainstorm different ways to accomplish it. She figured out what ways worked for different scenarios, and now she is well-equipped to manage her life.

Blessings,
Kara

I'm challenging you!

This morning I took a little time for myself. I call it "Kara time". I sat on the couch and streamed a couple of episodes of a show that I enjoy. And I allowed myself to sit there and watch, and not feel guilty about it. And you know what? After that, I felt more than ready to go back to my office and sit down and work.

But it is not always that easy to decide to take time for yourself is it? And especially hard to not feel guilty about it.

At first I thought that I should feel bad about not getting right to work. I am, after all, running a new business and it requires diligence. But then I realized that if I didn't take a little time for myself, I would just sit in my office and be unproductive.

I decided that a couple of hours for me would benefit me in the long run. It would help me to find my motivation and clear my head. It would allow me to realign my priorities so I could focus better. I took a little time to relax and get filled up, and I am glad I did.

Today, I challenge you to take a little time for yourself too! I would love to hear what you did and how it helped!

Blessings,

Kara

Take time for yourself

It is so important to take time for yourself to refuel and recharge. I think sometimes we get so wrapped up in the day to day challenges that we forget to take time for ourselves. But the more you take a little time to breathe and relax, the more you will have for your family. Self care is a necessity, not a privilege.

Blessings,

Kara

We can do hard things

We can do hard things. I like this statement. No, I LOVE this statement! .

This is a motto from Glennon Doyle at momastery.com.

I love it because it is so empowering. No matter how you say it, it brings forth courage and tenacity and our fierce love for our children!

WE can do hard things

We CAN do hard things

We can DO hard things

We can do HARD things

Sometimes when things seem so difficult and it feels like we are running into walls, or beating our heads against walls, it helps to remember this. It is a reminder of how strong we are. And, it is reminder that we are not in this alone. It is a reminder that we are doing these hard things WITH our children. They are going through some really hard stuff, and we are right there alongside them trying our best to help them in any way we can.

So, today, look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you can do hard things. And look at your child and tell them "we can do hard things".

Blessings,
Kara

Welcome to the re-launching of Living Rhythm and Joy!

I started Living Rhythm and Joy about 10 years ago. Shortly thereafter, let's just say.... LIFE happened, things got complicated and it was made clear to me that my time and energy were needed elsewhere. Sometime, in another post, I will tell the story about how it was confirmed to me that I needed to put LRJ on hold for awhile.

But right now I am super excited to be delving back into life coaching again full time! The past 10 years have been challenging, amazing and rewarding. One of the things that happened during this time was a shift and refocusing of my area of specialty. So...

Welcome to Living Rhythm and Joy, a place where I help parents of children with mental illness practice self-care and find peace and joy amidst the chaos. I am happy to have you here!

Kara